If you’re a big burly man, make sure your yellow thong is visible above your belt.
Show everyone around the table how you can fit your fist in your mouth.
On a sunny day, arrive at the meeting with your clothes and hair totally soaked.
Bring a canned laugh machine to emphasize your jokes and a clapping machine to cheer what you say something quasi deep.
Lower every chairs but raise yours. You’ll look much taller.
Before the meeting, place a small mirror, a razor blade and a small amount of sugar on the table, in front of all the seats. Watch who tries it discreetly.
Fill half the chairs with blow-up dolls dressed in 3-piece suits.
Spend 20 minutes to set a laptop, a tablet, 2 smart phones and a portable printer. Then use only pen and paper for the meeting.
When visiting a new company, pretend to be mute and request all communications to be written. At the end of the meeting, thank them verbally.
Warm people before the meeting that you have STS (Selective Tourette Syndrome) triggered by obscure business jargon and yell obscenities every time people mention “leveraging the paradigm shift”, or “Incentivise the top-tier multi-mode architecture”.
