It is common for fighters to use a nickname. Usually, it’s something macho and aggressive such as “The Beast”, “The Destroyer” or “Tank”. Here are a few suggestions for scarier names for guys in tight speedos grappling and sweating in 69:

1. John “Sweaty Blob” Stevenson
2. Allan “Fart Machine” Mendoza
3. Max “The Groper” Davison
4. François “Erected Perv” Cassis
5. Frank “Stink Bomb” Klein
6. Vladimir “3 Balls” Rudensky
7. Hikoshi “The Vomiter” Matasho
8. Romeo “Ex-lax” O’Neil
9. Lance “The Impaler” Smith (formerly known as “Backdoor Surprise”)
10. Rodrigo “14 inch Snake” Patcheti

Are you refereed to as “a force of nature to be reckoned with” on a regular basis?
Do people talk about you as “a visionary light years ahead of his/her time”?
Are you called “the most important agent of change of our third millennium society”?
Are you ‘”the last strand of hope for democracy and capitalism”?

No?

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Soon, you’ll get a new name and a new family — a better family. You’ll want nothing to do with the slobs at home.

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First 1,500 callers will get a cruel reality-check.