How to REALLY Impress People

Posted on May 9, 2008 by admin

1. Modify your DNA to become bioluminescent.
2. Implant subcutaneous receptors to change your skin colour at will. Lime green and sky blue hues will impress the most.
3. Carry a small speaker behind your head to repeat a whispered and slightly delayed version of your speech.
4. Travel with trained doves and every few minutes, start a sentence by: “According to the prophecy…”
5. Float 2 inches from the ground by wearing magnetic levitation shoes.
6. Travel with a genetically modified black dog to look like Cerberus, the 2-Headed-Dog-From-Hell and a mini-smoke machine.
7. Build an Aztec sacrificial altar in your office.
8. Ride a Grizzly bear to work.
9. Travel slow-motion with an entourage of leather-clad shaved-head sunglasse-wearing pale-faced giants.