Tired of suffering from backache from carrying around your enormous organ all day?

Sick of being laughed at by your date because you’re way too big?

Annoyed by your colleagues’ jokes about the “telephone pole” you’re sporting in your dress pants?

Fear no more! Our new and improved procedure, the “CutieTiny” will transform your massive and unsightly pork sword into a slim and attractive toothpick.

Call now and get a free nose and eye socket enlargement! The first 100 callers will also get a a month’s worth of our new product: Soft’N’Go. It allows you to stay unerected no matter the circumstance!

Don’t forget about our Total Body DeEnhancement! You can go from hunk to chunk in 1 day! Let us take care of that full head of hair, generic perfectly tone body and boring symmetrical features. After the procedure, you’ll be bald, chubby and awkward ; just in time to avoid that dreadful date with a supermodel!