Women apparently cause earthquakes.

Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi, senior Iranian cleric,told his worshippers on Friday: “Many women who dress inappropriately … cause youths to go astray, taint their chastity and incite extramarital sex in society, which increases earthquakes,”. He also added “Calamities are the result of people’s deeds…. We have no way but [to] conform to Islam to ward off dangers.”

I then realized that my geology teachers lied to me for years. Those teachers made up words like “tectonic plates”, “subduction”, “moho layer” as well as concepts such as magma convection and divergent boundaries to explain earthquakes.

All that time wasted studying science when in fact, girls only have to cover up. It’s so simple!

If women would listen to men, we could have averted the devastating earthquake that killed 803,000 in China in 1556, 300,230 in the Indonesia tsunami in 2004, and 230,000 in Haiti earlier this year.

I’m ready to accept that natural disasters are the result of sin. After all, if bronze age desert people believed in it, it must be true. I have a few questions though:

Does the number of uncovered women affect the type of natural disaster or only its magnitude?

Does the choice of the uncovered part have an impact on the natural disasters we deserve?

Is a visible shoulder worst than  visible hair? Does cleavage bring in more thunder than an exposed stomach? If it is the case, then surely topless beaches, nude camps and swingers clubs must be bombarded by meteors and lightning bolts all the time, no?

I suggest we pay more attention to ancient texts and traditions and stop wasting time learning “science” and thinking rationally. I also suggest covering up women, men, children and small dogs to avoid the wrath of God. Of course, we’d have to obey all the demands of ALL the gods ever imagined by people since the dawn of time. What do you think?