It is a widespread notion that the Muslim reward for violent death is 72 virgins. This sounds good if it’s your thing, but is based on several key assumptions. This requires some thought:
- Will they have a physical body or will they be immaterial? Good luck trying to get some fun out of a virgin ghost.
- If they do have a physical body, will it be “structurally functional”? A virgin without hands, breast, mouth, or any opening of any kinds is generally less pleasurable.
- Will they be human? A virgin slug or a virgin cobra take some time to get used to it.
- Will they be the right scale? A 200 foot or 2 inch virgin is slightly inconvenient.
- Will they be complete or will they be missing limbs or be horribly disfigured? A blown up virgin in a jar is probably not what you had in mind.
- Will they be of the gender you prefer?
- Will they wear an un-removable suit of armor?
- Will they be age appropriate or will they be fetuses or 122 years old women?
- Will they be covered in boils, pustules or be constantly leaking pus?
- Will they be so hairy you can barely feel them under that jungle of fur?
- Will they be nice or will they never shut up with a flow of disgusting insults?
- Will they be in the same general location as you or will you have to travel for 2,000 years to meet each one?
- Will they easily submit to you or will you have to fight off immortal 300 foot tall guards to get to them?
- Will they have a nauseating smell, an extremely loud male voice or any other highly repellent qualities?
- Will they be radioactive or make you extremely ill on contact?
- Will they all look like your mom?
- Once you “know” they them, will they still be virgins? If not, you could be done with your reward in 2 days and be stuck for an eternity with pesky “non-virgins”…