Things you don’t want to hear

“By the way, you’re adopted. Have a great month at camp sweetie!”

“You didn’t just drink the warm toilet cleaner I put in your coffee mug, did you?”

“The operation went well, except for the folding chair we forgot in your abdomen”

“Hi honey! Sorry to call you while you’re driving on the highway, but I forgot to tell you that the car has no brakes at all”

“The stomach pains you’ve been having are caused by a colony of tapeworms. You have almost no organs left.”