What to do if you step into a horror movie?

  1. Be sure to have a keyless remote for your car. As the killer chases you in a parking lot, you won’t loose precious seconds fumbling to get your key in the door. You can unlock the door as you run, then go safely in your car.
  2. Never hide under the bed, in a closet or in the attic. The killers might have seen the movies too.
  3. Do NOT drop the knife after stabbing the killer. Stab him about 50 times, tie up his limbs to really heavy objects, then cast his head in concrete. He will not get up to chase you again.
  4. You hear a noise and notice if’s just a cat. Do a powerful back kick at groin level. The killer is always behind you.
  5. When you have a really slow walking immortal killer chasing you, DO NOT try outrun him. Instead, steal a bike, take the bus, then plane, something. Just get out really far — to a different continent if possible.
  6. Bring a water gun full of vinegar. If you see a painting with a real hole that is a peephole for the maniac, give him a few squirts right in the eye…
  7. When you are chased by a knife swinging manic, think Home Alone… Grease and marbles are your friends.
  8. Try to figure out if you’re the hero or just an extra… Your fate depends on it.
  9. Carry a laser pointer with you. Immortal killers are not too bright and they can be easily distracted by that %$/%*@ red spot.
  10. If you go in a dark room and a creepy music starts, GET OUT IMMEDIATELY!

Dirty Books?

The Brown Side of the Moon
Geology of the Lunar Deposits

Towering Erections
Modern Architecture in Dubai

Milk Jugs Galore
2011 Annual Report of the Dairy Industry

Tight Male-Male Connections
Manual of Electrical Connectors

Sliding Easy
History of Industrial Lubricants from 1920 to 1979

I do not believe…

I do not believe in magic, which includes: all religions, all divination techniques (astrology, psychics, tarot cards, palml reading, tea leaves, horoscope, etc), all pseudo-sciences (homeopathy, angel therapy, iridology, relexology, reiki, various types of spirit healing, etc) , all supernatural creatures (angels, demons, ghosts, leprechauns, centaurs, gnomes, Pegasus, etc), and all techniques to use the supernatural (spells, voodoo, possessions, necromancy, magical powers, etc).

What is left is reality.