Does it bother you?

If you’re Christian, does it bother you that according to the actual word of God:

  • You must stone your kids if they don’t listen to you (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)?
  • You must stone all Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and everybody who doesn’t worship the same god as you — including babies ((Deuteronomy 17:2-5))?
  • You must stone everybody that is blaspheming — that surely includes most interjections and swear words we commonly use (Leviticus 24:16)?
  • You must stone everybody on Saturday — including all Wal-Mart employees (Numbers 15:32-56)

Does it bother you that the Bible is so unclear and contradictory as to needs so much justification, interpretation, and extrapolation — yet it’s supposed to have been written or at least inspired by the actual creator of the whole universe?

Does it bother you that the Bible describes things and a world like nothing nobody you know have ever experienced and totally different and contrary to what we can observe and measure?

  • The Bible presents a cosmological view that is totally at odd with what we can observe with our telescope — starts that can point to a single house, sun that can fall, metal firmament resting on pillars, water that falls trough windows in the sky, flat earth, an Earth that is only about 6000 years old, etc?
  • The Bible is full of magic, exorcisms, zombies, talking animals and people who live more than 900 years long?
  • The Bible present global events, such as a worldwide flood, where no trace can be found.
  • The Bible presents a chronology totally different from what we can observe with radiometric dating and geological processes.

Does it bother you that the Bible is full of recorded dialogues that was impossible to record, such as what Adam said to Eve, what was said after a character dies, what Balaam’s donkey said or what the Devil said to God when betting on Job?

Does it bother you that Paul, who wrote half of the New Testament, said immensely important things (stop observing God’s law) in direct contradiction with Jesus (who is supposed to actually be part of God himself). Yet you believe and follow Paul!

 If all none of those things bother you, then why not?

Mixed messages

God is energy
God is love
God is everywhere
God is invisible
God has unlimited superpowers
God is 3 people in 1, including a father & son duo, plus another immaterial spirit
BUT God created people in his own image

Which people?

The ones with different skin colour or gender?
The ones who are deformed or handicapped?
The ones who are sick?
The ones who lost limbs and can’t grow them back?
The ones with a skeleton, internal organs and visible skin?
The ones who need to eat and drink to stay alive?
The ones who need to reproduce the old-fashion way?
The ones who are not invisible?
The ones who are not everywhere at once?
The ones who don’t know everything about the past, present and future?
The ones without unlimited superpowers?

He create THOSE people in his image?

Lesser-know medical conditions

Triviality Exhibitionism
Condition in which  person has a urgent need to share every mundane detail of his or her life with the entire world via Facebook or Twitter, such as their exact time of arrival to their house, the content of their breakfast or details of the phone conversations. Victims of this conditions frequently suffer from Chain-Letter Syndrome and Semi-humorous Email LOL Reposting.

SMBC (Slow morning brain condition)
Affliction characterized by a brain that is exceedingly slow to start in the morning. Possible cure: headphones with nighttime stimulus such as quantic mechanic lectures, advance thermodynamic calculus or differential equations applied to gardening.

SAC (Self-awareness Challenged)
Disability resulting in the lack of self-awareness expressed in poor clothing choices, audible flatulence, below average personal hygiene, and less than intelligent remarks.

How to throw a great pillow fight

Here are a few pointers to maximize your pillow fight experience:

First off, let’s be clear: no bricks, stones or broken glass in the pillow cases. Liquids are also frowned upon in the competitive pillow fight circles. Feathers or soft foam is preferable, but memory foam might be too hard for a fun and jovial session.

Use regular size pillows, not the oversized novelty giant pillow that can fit a pick-up truck.

Swinging Speed
Pillow swinging should be done by hands. Using a catapult or a high-speed cannon to throw the pillows is both unethical and potentially dangerous. It’s also quite unorthodox to hire members or the Olympic Hammer Throw.

You should not target nose, glasses or groin on purpose, except when wearing an inflatable sumo suit and a football helmet.

Coating your feather-filled pillow with concrete will NOT help you make friends. They will definitively not invite you for their next pillow fight.

Participant should smile, laugh and try to have a good time. Do not invite your mortal enemies or members of the Violent Psychopaths League.

Rejected CareBears Competition

Squeeze him and see the rancid sweat coming out of him! Your kids will love him!

This one-of-a kind night cuddler alternates between smells of garbage juice, fresh skunk and rotten eggs.

Complete with throat noises and broccoli-flavored dejection!

Hours of pleasure popping this cuddly bear’s humorous non-toxic strawberry-flavored zits!

Fill this adorable bear with the included kid-friendly beer and hear (and smell) him belch like a pro!