Have a Vampire neighbour that doesn’t respond to garlic? Bigfoot keeps you up all night sining Opera? Maybe you purchased a Troll two years ago and it’s not toilet trained yet?
We are here to help you with all your Monster problems. If you find a monster that does not behave according to the CryptoZooLaw GuideBook, you can file a formal complaint. Our team of experienced CryptoZooLawyers will advise you of your rights, help you build a case, and help prosecute if necessary. We can also alert you to complaints against Monsters in your area.
Subscribe to our newsletter for tips on how to live peacefully with our Monstruous neighbours.
For the CEO who wants more power by instilling fear in the heart of the lowly employee, here is the DeliciouslyQuirky Corporate PowerSuit. Now you will be produce the proper effect when entering the boardroom. Comes complete with business utility belt, handheld JargonThrower and instructional DVD (Rubber cape optional). Choose between our popular models: Evil Futuristic Dictator, Dark Knight, WorkoholicMan or Master Cyborg. Order NOW and you’ll receive the NEW DeathRay Gun Lite at no extra cost.
After a full range of nutritional shampoo with beer, honey, eggs, oil and herbs, we are introducing the next level of nutritional products.
TopFood is a container-hat that allows liquid food to slowly seep into your scalp, nourishing you with constant nutrients. You can continue to work or play while food slowly gets into your body. What a time saver! You’ll bypass hundred of hours a year in meal time!
Comes complete with instructional DVD, recipe book, extra seal and chin strap.
Next time you see a bowl of soup or a beverage, you’ll think: “Can’t wait to get that on my head!”
Jason and the Jargonauts®
Experience the zen benefits of corporate talk in this intensive week-end program. By numbing your mind and refraining from individual thoughts, you’ll become a more productive member of the corporate hive.
Flight of Icarus Retreat
In this week-end corporate retreat based on the cliffs of Oslo, you’ll learn the valuable team-building exercise of making your own set of wings. Using the great metaphor of “reaching for the sky” and “spreading your wings”, you’ll plunge 200 feet into ice cold water, supported by your corporately branded cardboard wings. Video of flights extra.
In this new religion, you’ll learn that:
there is no God
even if there was a God, he/she/it would probably not care about you
no one makes good music anymore
McDonalds stopped selling their Ciabata Burgers a long time ago and they will NOT BE BACK!
humanity is doomed
Hey Kids! Tired of the same old doll than walks, wave and giggle?
Cranky Doll will ignore you for weeks, then will not want to play with you and might even swear at you!
Order it NOW and you will receive Daredevil Jack, the doll that will dare you to do dangerous stuff!
1) Embed in cellphones, PDAs, BlackBerries, MP3 players, and other wearables to emit a frequency that will activate a specific region of the brain that will stimulate the appetite for a brown, bubbly, sugar-loaded acidic cold beverage, or to drive in a manly army-like uncomfortable but aggressive looking vehicle.
2) Develop free clothing items like coats, pants, tshirt, capes and hats that have the ability to connect to a main ad server and display moving ads right on it. (same principle as the ad-sponsored software we have now). All homeless people be wearing warm clothes but will be transformed into walking billboards. Kids will love that fashion too. You can have a scene of a new movie or an cool ad displayed on you clothes…
3) Engineered food that taps into the memory cells to stimulate purchases of products based on your own past (cinnamon buns of your grandmother, grey paste from the highschool cafeteria, etc.)
4) Develop cross promotion packages: the guy on the Crest toothpaste is wearing a visible Timex watch while brushing. He’s also smelling like CK1 perfume on the package. mmm see… alot to possibilities if you want to control people even more… Imagine designing, testing and marketing those products!
5) Dynamic E-Ink packages that are linked to a CrossLinked Marketing Database that call your name when you walk by, suggest a use based on your lifestyle, reminds you of the mess that happened when your used a competitor’s brand…
The future WILL be friendly! 😉
The Ultimate Minimalist House is a 3m x3m x3m white cube with no furniture. Furniture is bad for your Feng Shui. The 5cm x 5cm window can be colourized according to your aura and really make it YOUR space.
This Custom Premium Designer House is ideal for the young professional that eats out, sleep out and entertain out.
I’m wondering how difficult or possible it is to create your own fully legal and recognized country.
Someone did it in 1967. It’s called Sealand and it’s 10km off the coast of England on a small concrete platform built during the WWII (http://www.sealandgov.org/ for details).
Your own contry means you have diplomatic immunity, make your own civil, criminal and tax laws. Recent reports claim a new company called Havenco plans to introduce a ” data haven” in Sealand (http://www.globalpolicy.org/nations/sealand.htm).
How would you call your country? What would the laws be? What would be the incentives for companies and individuals to immigrate to your contry (assuming you have place for them). Would you make it a cash cow by allowing all sorts of criminal activities, an utopian land with peace and harmony or a place just for you?