The only deceases you need

Inflation of the cerebrum caused by the bite of the Anamorphicus Rei mosquito. The substance contained in the saliva of that mosquito can increase your IQ by 80 to 100 points overnight. Warning: cranial explosions due to repeated doses can mess up your living room.

Peni Gigantis
The terrible affliction of suddenly getting a huge male organ. Can be embarrassing if carried by a woman. This non-hereditary trouble activates most frequently when a seratonin surge saturates the hypothalamus, such as meeting an aesthetically-pleasing person in an nightclub.

Hyper symmetry
A cerebral cortex imbalance that enhances greatly your physical symmetry, thus making you more appealing. Warning: can be cured by squinting really hard, drooling, spitting on the sidewalk, a lack of education and the frequent use of swearwords.

Your TRUE Horoscope for Today

Venus is in celcius, Jupiter is radioactive and Mars is in the House of Commons.

  • You will have a day like any other day, without great surprises.
  • Some generic nondescript events will happen in the world to people you don’t know.
  • You might meet someone you know today, but if you don’t leave the house, you might not.
  • You will get news from something slightly political in nature, or maybe about the weather.
  • Your lucky numbers are anywhere between 1 and a million.

This is valid for every sign, for the whole year. Next year might bring surprises… or not.

Today’s beautiful words, Part 3

The odd and unsupported view that our planet – the Earth – is spherical. This is contradictory with the evidence brought by the Flat Earth Society, who tries to educate the masses on the real shape of the Earth: a disc with the North Pole in the center and the South Pole along the edge. All photos of the round Earth have been doctored to push the Globularists agenda.

The hobby of having a mythical creature as pet. Most popular are elves, dragons and unicorns. Caution: one must be careful with the mytical creatures with magical powers.

The act of getting up early, dressing up as for a meeting, walking the neighborhood on a nice day, and trying to transform the reality assumptions of lucky people. Also refers to the act of trying to convert people to your religion.