Would you be able to repeat to me, word for word, a conversation you had yesterday?

What about a conversation you had 4 months ago?

Now, what about one you had 35 years ago?

I don’t mean for you to give me a summary of it of the some of the topics discussed — I mean every single words spoken during that conversation, in the right order, without forgetting a single one.

When you think the Bible is 100% correct, you have to believe that a conversation that happened anywhere from 35 to 70 years ago was recalled word for word and noted in what became the gospels. The earliest gospel (Mark) was written from 35 to 40 years after the latest events it relates, while the last gospel written )John was written a full 65 to 70 years after the events.

Do you think it’s plausible?

1. Eat before stalking your victims. A grumbly stomach can really mess up an good ambush.
2. Watch what you eat before hiding in a house. Burping or farting when you hide behind the curtains do not project a serious image or conceal your location very well.
3. Wear non-squeaky shoes. Even if you wear a creepy mask, people will not take you seriously if you squeak.
4. Brush up on your self-defense skills. You career is not starting well if you get your ass kicked by a 13 year old girl on your first day.
5. Go to the toilet before starting a killing spree. Being stuck in the bathroom for 25 minutes really breaks the mood.
6. Get a GPS. Getting lost before even getting to your killing destination will not impress your killer pals.
7. Make sure you drive something fear-inspiring, not a Smart Car or a minivan.
8. Buy quality killing instruments. Nothing says amateur like a giant butcher knife that breaks as you wield it in the air.
9. Think about what you’ll need before leaving the house. Bring gas for the chainsaw, extra rope, and clean underwear in case you have an accident.
10. Watch for marbles on the floor, iron dangling from the ceiling, buckets of tar and kids who look like Macaulay Culkin.
11. If you have a funny voice, don’t talk. Just growl or squeal. An awkward voice can make your victim burst into laughter — not good for the ego on your first day.
12. Research your victims. You don’t want to barge in the house of a 7-time boxing champion, a Navy SEAL or another psychopathic killer.
13. Dress for the occasion: overalls and a creepy masks is fine; wearing only a thong, a bow tie and a top hat is not fine.
14. No running with scissors. You could hurt yourself.
15. Resist the temptation to tidy up a messy house before starting killing.
16. Stretch before chasing someone with your heavy axe.
17. You can bring creepy music to set the tone of the massacre. To be taken seriously, avoid music from the TV show “Benny Hill” or anything with a banjo.
18. Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback. Bring pens if you’d like them to fill out a survey on your performance.
19. Don’t be nervous. They are as much afraid of you as you are afraid of them.
20. Be polite and courteous. Nobody likes a killer with poor manners.
21. Most of all: be creative — have fun with it.

The Mumbler
You just can’t understand a word of what it says. “Turn right on 5th Avenue” sounds more like “tumveon fifvenu”.

The Distracted
Sometimes tell you to turn as you’re in the middle of the intersection or be unresponsive a 3 to 5 minutes; lost in its thoughts.

The Passive Aggressive
Might give you wrong directions or conveniently forget to tell you to turn if you don’t follow its direction. Can hold a grudge for weeks.

The Vulgar Uncle
You can’t use your GPS if the kids are in the car unless you download the Censor 2.0 module. Even then, all you hear is “beeeep turn left on that beeeep street, son of a beeeep!”

The Segway Narrator
Over explain so much you will miss most turns. “In 0.2 kilometer, turn…” “Did you know the etymology if the word kilometer is from ancient Greek and is composed of khilioi meaning “thousand” and of metron meaning “measure” and that…”

The Volume Defier
Sometimes whispers, sometimes shouts like a madman.

The Dirty Pervert
Makes anything sound dirty with suggestive emphasis on some sounds or words. Perfect for frat boys or very lonely women. “Make a nice and tight left turn. Oh yeah, real tight.”

In this new TV cooking competition, amateurs contestants use unfamiliar and foreign ingredients to create magnificently awful dishes.
Points are awarded on the effect their food have on the judges.

Projectile Vomiting…….1 point
Nose Bleed………………….2 points
Color Change……………..3 points
Instant Epilepsy………….4 points
Temporary paralysis…..5 points

The blindfolded judges are not allowed to know the ingredients or to smell the dishes before tasting them.

The winner gets 1 year supply of squid suction cups, sheep stomachs and pig snouts. Yum!