Ridiculously Optimistic

  1. You say a hurricane is coming like it’s a bad thing!
  2. I make the Pawn Shop happy with the 47% interest I pay.
  3. Having that debilitating decease just makes me learn more about biology!
  4. The zombies apocalypse is not so bad. More parking space for me!
  5. I did get knocked out 12 times in the first round, but I think I figured out his timing!
  6. The colours of that massive oil spill are so pretty!
  7. Yes my new roommate is smelly, psychotic, violent and a crack-addict, but she’s doesn’t even mind when you use her toothbrush.
  8. I found out I’m adopted and my biological parent carry that deadly hereditary anomaly. Was about time I won something!
  9. I lost my job after 23 years and my wife left this morning. Finally time for my hobby!
  10. Came home to an empty apartment. The robbers took everything. I love it; it’s like campaign now!

Greatest Protests

Instead of asking for higher wages, more vacation time and retroactive whatnots, we should demand more important things on picket lines:

“Abolish sleep!”
Without sleep, we could be more productive, spend more time practising our hobbies, going to the gym, watching movie and sipping cocktails on the beach!

“Less gravity!”
With reduced gravity, we could walk much further, jump higher, carry more bags, use less fuel on our planes and rockets…

“Slow down the earth!”
With the Earth rotating slower, our days would be longer, thus allowing us to do more things in a day! We should also demand for a slower rotation around the Sun to make the years longer.

Digital to Physical

Our lives are spent in 2 different worlds: the physical and the digital world. There are already many ways to merge the 2 worlds, but a few very important ones are missing:

  • Transfer digital money from online games into our real bank accounts
  • Change our body with Photoshop
  • Use different avatars that would change how we look
  • An UNDO button that world in the physical world
  • Cheat codes to bypass traffic, teleport and run faster
  • Have many lives and heal right away by drinking an healing potion
  • Have a 3D printer that can print anything you find on the Internet, including people
  • Pause an event to give us time to think
  • Copy and paste actions in the real worlds
  • Write scripts to perform real life redundant and mundane tasks, such as getting the garbage out every Thursday at 7am
  • Get coins by kicking garbage cans and jumping on roofs