Are you looking for used eyes? Maybe refurbished kidneys or a smaller stomach? We have everything at half-price! We also carry a vast selection of cool defective and discontinued items! You can even get matching organs for the whole family or a fridge full of everything, just in case!

Need a transplant on the spot? No problems! Ask one of our smiling non-licensed attendants and they will have you up and running in 1 hour or less!

Please don’t forget to sign the non-responsibility waiver! Doing so allows you to enter a draw for a FREE B-grade brain!

Birthday parties available. Kids will love the liposuction leftover fat fights!

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House bound? No problems! We make housecalls! We are now using ice so your newly purchased organs will stay fresh for up to 20 minutes!

I am certain that humans have been designed the same way companies develop products:

Some useful features not included because they came too late.

Some obvious design flaws in the external reproductive system were rubberstamped because the team couldn’t meet their deadline and they had to rush approval.

Some useless parts were also added only because the mother-in-law of the head of the internal organs department wouldn’t leave them alone.

Some parts (now called vestigial) are the result of a bad copy and paste job.

The team released Human 0.2 Beta, thinking they would fix it later. Then, funding was cut and Human 0.2 Beta became the official release.

No updates were issued because no one planned an update platform to distribute the fixes.

Sales sold the project to the client as a product which would be perfect, without requiring improvements.

Management let go of the tech support team in early alpha phase.

Marketing created religions to promote the idea that their products was perfect.

Do you realize that the better you are at earning heaven, the closer you are to hell?

By choosing one religion and working hard or believing the right things, you just bought yourself tickets to all the other hells?

By choosing Christianity, you don’t follow the Torah (even if you are supposed to believe the whole book, which does include the Torah) so you go to hell. You also don’t follow the precepts included in the Quran, which sends you straight to Muslim hell. Sadly, it also means you might not even attain the first level of Mormon heaven.

One solution would be to act and believe everything, even things that are mutually exclusive. But a deity can probably know if you are faking it.

Another solution is to clone yourself and all have the same name and clothes. You have each one of you believe in a different religion. It is also crucial that you all die at the same time. One of you is bound to get it right so all of you can get a free pass to eternity in bliss. May religions talks about your name being in the Book of Heaven, so when they call you, you all stand up.

A third solution is to create your own afterlife. Don’t worry, yours is at least as plausible as all the other ones.