Theogeography

Theogeography is the emerging science of analyzing the distribution of factors such as natural disasters, socio-economic status, IQ, award recipients, divorce rate, crime rate, longevity, health, relative happiness, etc, based on the ratio of specific beliefs.

Since we know for a fact that Christians can ask anything they want and they will get it (Luke 11:9-10). Since Jesus was the Son of God and God himself as well (according to the Trinity, all 3 are the same), he did not lie and had the power to make such claim. You can them safely expect that areas with a high concentration of Christian would show extremely low crime rate, divorce rate, and unemployment rate. They would show very few hospital as they would not need them (they can simply asked to be healed). They would also very little pollution as they would not need cars or buses — they can ask to fly or be teleported instead, which does not pollute.

The HCDA (high Christian density areas) would show no natural disasters such as earthquakes, flood, tornadoes, hurricanes or volcanoes. They would show a abnormally high rate of favorable chance-based winnings (lottery, casino, bingo, etc) and very high concentration of Noble laureates, Grammy, Oscar and other prizes.

You can also expect areas that are not less populated by Christian believers such a Norway, Sweden, China and Japan to have very low IQ, economic success, literacy rate and very high mortality rate, divorce rate, crime rates,  be hit daily by natural disasters and rarely win anything.

What’s wrong with 72 virgins?

It is a widespread notion that the Muslim reward for violent death is 72 virgins. This sounds good if it’s your thing, but is based on several key assumptions. This requires some thought:

  1. Will they have a physical body or will they be immaterial? Good luck trying to get some fun out of a virgin ghost.
  2. If they do have a physical body, will it be “structurally functional”? A virgin without hands, breast, mouth, or any opening of any kinds is generally less pleasurable.
  3. Will they be human? A virgin slug or a virgin cobra take some time to get used to it.
  4. Will they be the right scale? A 200 foot or 2 inch virgin is slightly inconvenient.
  5. Will they be complete or will they be missing limbs or be horribly disfigured? A blown up virgin in a jar is probably not what you had in mind.
  6. Will they be of the gender you prefer?
  7. Will they wear an un-removable suit of armor?
  8. Will they be age appropriate or will they be fetuses or 122 years old women?
  9. Will they be covered in boils, pustules or be constantly leaking pus?
  10. Will they be so hairy you can barely feel them under that jungle of fur?
  11. Will they be nice or will they never shut up with a flow of disgusting insults?
  12. Will they be in the same general location as you or will you have to travel for 2,000 years to meet each one?
  13. Will they easily submit to you or will you have to fight off immortal 300 foot tall guards to get to them?
  14. Will they have a nauseating smell, an extremely loud male voice or any other highly repellent qualities?
  15. Will they be radioactive or make you extremely ill on contact?
  16. Will they all look like your mom?
  17. Once you “know” they them, will they still be virgins? If not, you could be done with your reward in 2 days and be stuck for an eternity with pesky “non-virgins”…