1. Speak like Yoda or Scooby Doo.
2. “You’re so sexy. You look like your mom!”
3. Make your grocery list out loud.
4. “I think I saw a cockroach in the bed!”
5. During oral sex: “Ever wondered about cannibalism?”
6. “You’re my number 100 this year! We have to celebrate this!”
7. “I’m not sure I took my birth control pills. Oh well, you’ll know soon enough.”
8. Ask him to triple-bag for his protection.
9. “Don’t worry, I’m sure your parents can hear us.”
10. “Can you keep your clothes on?”

1612 — China: First and only battle using paper armour. Started great with this lightweight and easy to repair armour. Unfortunately, a heavy rain started…

1727 — West Indies: Battle of the Spanish Armada against the Carib people of West Indies. Went downhill after the cannibal Carib people discovered the Spaniards tasted delicious.

1885 — France: First and only use of sucrose resin as uniforms on the battlefield. The screaming soldiers trying to chase the bees away did not last long in front of the enemy, armed with melted marshmallows.

1923 — Congo: First battle using toddler soldiers. The enemy countered by playing lullabies on loud speakers. The entire regiment went for a nap.

1941 — Russia: The German Naturist Battalion was found frozen to death in Siberia, with frostbites on the 5 extremities.

When people say that God spoke to them, or that they were called by God to do something, what do they mean exactly?

1. How did they know it was God speaking? Did God named himself? Could it be someone or something impersonating God?
2. Was the person always alone when God spoke to them? If a loud voice came from the ceiling or the sky, surely someone else heard it too. If so, did the other person understand the same message?
3. If the person was not alone in the room at the time but no one else heard the voice, how can the person be sure it was not a self-created voice inside their head, caused by a mental disorder?
4. If the voice was not from inside their head, how could they tell it was from God and not from a prankster with a megaphone?
5. Was the message always in a language the person could understand?
6. Did they know the meaning of all the words spoken by God?
7. How was the voice? Was it angry, detached, quiet, out of breath, menacing, or encouraging?
8. Was the voice speaking with an accent?
9. Was the voice male, female or something else?
10. Was it the voice of a baby, a child, an adult, an old person, or something somehow ageless?
11. Was it whispering, quiet, regular conversation level, loud or screaming?
12. Was the message an order,  advice, or information?
13. Did God speak to them more than once? If so, was it the same voice with the same characteristics?

This new TV channel will be a nice complement to your meditation. Tired of confusing, fast-moving, action-packed shows? Come relax at the Zen Channel. Here are a few of our hit shows:

Snail Races: Enjoy the Snail Marathon in HD — a 200 foot race that our peaceful competitors will finish in under 4 days! You’ll enjoy the extra slow-motion recaps.

Drying Paint: Watch our 4 hour episodes on paint drying on a variety of surfaces. Sometimes you can see drips slowly moving down!

Sleep Hard: Watch a variety of heavy sleepers thought their uneventful night

Gentle Nature: 4 hours of uninterrupted cameras fixed on a empty field, a rock, or the sky as the clouds are slowly passing by. A must for those who seek inner peace.