- Billy inadvertently created a black hole in the washing machine by mixing white and colored clothes.
- Joan spliced her genes by wearing her spliced jeans wayyyyy too tight.
- Robert’s army of monkey men are not going to help him conquer the world. He spent all his money buying them diapers…
- Maggie tripped over a crease in the space-time continuum.
- Bob caught his mutant robot humping his dad’s truck.
- Martin put 2 alarm clocks face to face with a time difference of 1 second, which allowed him to travel back in time. Unfortunately, he only went back in time 1 second.
- Becca cloned herself but sneezed during the procedure. All her clones came out fuzzy.
- John, an alchemy student, transmutated something into gold. His wife will surely be impressed by the golden rod in his shorts.
- The team was able to miniaturize a cell phone the size of a grain of salt. Unfortunetely, Professor Matthews coughed.
- Bill successfully achieved partial invisibility of his body. He is now working on making his left side invisible.
Monthly Archives: May 2010
A story about a puppy
A man bought a puppy.
He told it not to touch his cupcake.
The puppy did not obey.
So the man hurt the puppy.
The man will also hurt his puppy’s puppies and all the generations that will come from it. He will do this forever.
Do you think it’s fair?
Do you think it’s just?
Do you think it’s deserved?
- Will the endless pain of the puppies solve the obedience problem of the first puppy?
- Was the puppy aware that by disobeying one simple command, it would have all its descendant hurt, forever?
- Was the consequence explained to the puppy?
- Was the puppy capable of understanding the concept of consequence, pain or eternity?
That, my friends, is the biblical concept of the Fall of Man.
Does it make any sense to you?
New Horrible Summer Camps
Lifeskills Camp for 5-8yr
Want your kids to learn how to deal with the real world? Here is your chance! They will learn valuable skills in a fun environment:
- Coping with personal failure
- How to deal with hookers
- How to reduce your debt by selling your organs
- How to reconstruct your life after a rotten childhood
- Learning which hard drug to do to avoid permanent damage
- 13 ways to get out of paying rent
Jungle Fun for 8-12yr
In this 12 week camp, your children will learn jungle-based character-building skills like:
- How to survive in the jungle on your their own for 11 weeks
- Knowing your poisonous mushrooms
- How to escape blood-thirsty predators at night
- Yummy insects 101
- How to fight off cannibal tribes
- How to cook a cannibal
Rage in the Cage Day camp
Let your kids learn the secret of a clean knock-out while they are young through a series of half-day workshops:
- The magic of the groin kick
- Headbuts are fun
- Make your friends pass out from chokes
- The art of going bezerk
- Illegal mmoves are winning moves
We say imagination is boundless, but is it really? We all impose, voluntarily or not, limits and biases on our thoughts. Those limitations can include:
- your basic assumptions (people are good, magic does exist, anything is possible, there is an invisible realm, we are all connected, etc)
- the amount of knowledge you have
- your ability to interpolate and extrapolate
- your idea of what reality is
- what you consider possible or impossible
- your cultural frame of reference
- your mental taboos what you don’t allow yourself to think; things too awful to even think of
- your ability to create links between elements
- the state of your memory (your mental storage capacity as well as the efficiency of your data retrieval process)
- your willingness to explore new concepts
What guidelines, limits, assumptions or framework does your mind operate on?
Are you seriously religious?
If so, you have to believe in magic. The 3 Abrahamic faiths (Judaism, Christianity and Islam) are filled with magical acts and magical creatures. How does the belief in magic affect your daily life?
- Do you invoke angels for assistance when you have a tight deadline or a lack of resources at work?
- Do you pray and get divine intervention right away, every time?
- Do you rely on magic instead of calculations to accomplish your job?
- Do you refrain yourself from getting a life insurance policy, because you know you only have to ask God and you shall receive? If so, did you also quit your job?
- If you are a Calvinist (believe in pre-determination that everything is God’s will), did you stop working when you realized that whatever you do; it’s God’s plan for you?
- Do you go to the zoo expecting some animals to talk, like in the Bible?
- Do you do something to protect yourself against the Evil Eye?
- Did you buy a convertible car so you don’t bash your head against the roof when the Rapture comes?
- “This beer is so cold you’ll loose most of your fingers from hypothermia just by holding the can!”.
- “This rejuvenation face cream will make you look like a newborn in just 3 weeks”.
- “Our new hybrid sedan is so efficient, it spews gasoline instead of consuming it!”
- “Our new SUV is so spacious, you and your extended family can live in it for years, like most of our consumers do!”
- “Our interest rate is so low, we’re paying you load of money a week to buy our crap!”
- “No payment, no interest, no hidden fees, no restocking fee and no administrative fee for 120 years!”
- “No payment, no interest for 1 year. Only an easy-breezy 257% convenience fee applies!”
- “Our new Lazer Mach 17 DuoCore Stealth Pro Magnum Razor is so fast it will leave you deaf from the afterburner sound!
- “You’ll look so good in your new Armani suit that hordes of itchy toothless homeless women will want to snuggle up with you!”
- “This manly perfume will totally change your lifestyle, bring supermodels and that huge promotion to you, but will leave you impotent.”