- Find a universal need you can cater to. This will shape your approach; This will be used in your branding/marketing efforts.
- Name your religion. Find a cool name that sounds ancient, like the Adorators of Hakballah, The VicciCode or Repenters of Atlantis Faith.
- Find a new interpretation on prevalent existing religious texts OR write a new spiritual reference book that, while maintaining continuity with prevalent existing religions, myths and philosophies, departs from them in a significant way. That new book should be a mix of common sense, basic life experiences, anecdotes, unverifiable claims and hard to pronounce names.
- Rename yourself. No one will follow Bob Smith, the Archdeacon of Hakballah.
- As early as possible, find celebrity sponsorship. Don’t worry, it’s not as hard as it sounds. Just buy a newspaper and call celebrities who already sponsor Psychic Hotlines. Offer them $50.
- Create rituals, dress codes, and greeting gestures.
- Start your PR early. Attribute miracles to your deity, preferable out-of-phase naturally occuring, statistically insignificant but emotionally charged events.
- Make claims. It doesn’t matter if they are unproven, false, out of context or irrelevant. See Rael.
- Speak properly. Practice political talk, mixed with emotionally but non-committal words and spiritual concepts (a spiritual OfficeSpeak): “The transcendence of the non-litteral Word of the Great Luminant is the quintessence of the SubMan archetype“.
- Be invited to Oprah. We cannot stress this one enough.
- Create your own media outlet.
- Make sure your new beliefs are similar enough to others. That way, you’ll gain free press in their media outlets.
- Create a sound financial model. Make sure all level of worship, social involvement, public appearances, etc bring you money.
- Enjoy! You now have power over your fellow men & women (whatever your preference is), public opinion, and media. Life is good.
Monthly Archives: April 2007
How to Impress People
- Drive a 26-foot Santa Clause float.
- Print business cards with “Ambassador to Arkhaministan”. When asked where that country is, say: “Right between Murkhistan and United Republic of Tuaniman”.
- When asked what you do, reply: I’m a astrocosmometaphysicist, part-time brain surgeon as well as a shameless terraforming hobbyist. What do YOU do?”
- Wear a large bald eagle feather hat, mandragore root perfume, white tiger shirt, panda fur pants, baby seal socks and galapagos turtle shell shoes.
- Talk about real estate trends on Phobos.
- Tell that really funny anecdote about your experience on genetic mutations of monkey-men.
- Brag about reading deliciouslyquirky.com
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