What if…

What if religious people would do their jobs using the same magical version of reality they believe in their spiritual life?

  • An accountant would put all the invoices in a magic box, say a short prayer and expect the annual report to appear on his boss’ desk by 9am.
  • All religious doctors would try to exorcise the cancer out of the patient.
  • All believers would stop taking drugs and go to hospitals because they prayed.
  • A civil engineer wouldn’t have to calculate the charges for a bridge because angels will help support the cars to cross the river.
  • A farmer would send his donkey to the vet because its not talking. (see Balaam story in Numbers 22:1-35)
  • The insurance adjuster would believe you when you tell him your house was destroyed by fiery snakes.
  • A clerk could not go to work because some customers have the evil eye.
  • The Pope would stop using a bullet-proof Popemobile and rely on divine protection only.

Mundane Complexification

Geo-Helio-synchronous Temporal Personal Device — Watch

Thermal Wave-based Transference Device — Microwave

Epidermal Helio-Photo Shield — Sunscreen

Analog Fiber-based Knowledge Repository — Book

Tactile Soundwave Manipulator — Piano

Avian Necro Cryo Protein Intake System — Frozen Chicken

Diameter-adjustable Abdominal Retaining Device — Belt

Human to Human Knowledge Transference System — School

12 Books Too Hot for Bookstores

  1. 1200 Ways to Make Love to a Melon
  2. How to Expose Yourself on National TV
  3. 101 Ways to Get Wild at a Funeral
  4. Teaser Sex: Using the Electric Thunder Down Under
  5. How to Get Prostitutes for Free
  6. Viagra & Redbull: The Silent & Fun Killer
  7. Great-Grannies Gone Wild
  8. When No Means (sort of) Yes
  9. Fun With Toasters & Tubs
  10. Tigers, Lions & Bears: Oh My! — Using Dangerous Wildlife for your Pleasure
  11. Sex with Cobras — A Step by Step Guide
  12. Sex in the Sky — 34 Seconds of Amazing Sex Without a Parachute!

10 Great Books for Gullible People

  1. Building Wealth by Wearing Yellow
  2. Become Rich in 2 days by Sending Us Money
  3. How to Bypass the Corporate Ladder by Using a Hidden Camera
  4. Create a Successful Business Using Dead Flies
  5. How to Impress Your Boss with Amazing World-Changing Ideas
  6. Get Rich By Investing in Nigerian Email Projects
  7. Selling Your Organs as a Safe Long-Term Investment
  8. How to Meet your Soul Mate by Pretending to be a Prostitute
  9. Become a Famous Filmmaker Using a Intra-Nasal Camera
  10. Make Friends by Only Wearing a Winning Smile

More Minor Superheroes

Mr. Tight Pants
Has the ability to make his pants tighter than anyone else on the planet.

Red Thunder
While he has an amazing name, Red Thunder’s only power is to give himself nose bleeds and red cheeks.

Professor Generic
Middle-age man who sports gray pants, beige shirt, a brown watch and black shoes. He has an average grasp of colloquial expressions and a forgetable hairdo.

Wears a leather G-string and has a slightly sticky skin, which can be kind of useful in an office setting if people run out of Post-It notes.

A guy who walks slowly.

The Amazing Tornado
A girl who is usually dizzy.

Miss Numbero
A teenager in a white jeans outfit, who always counts her steps.

A pretty quiet fair-skinned guy.

An overweight guy in sweat pants who often mixes irony with sarcasm.

The Freaks
Group of almost irritating villains that include Jeff the 5’10 giant, Bob the 5’9 dwarf, Hariet the single-jointed non-contortionist and Steve the 185 pound sumo.

How Smart are your Things?

One of the most overused concept and name, beside “green” is “smart”. Is the “smart” trend only a new marketing trick? Just how smart are the products having “smart” in their name?

Smart car
That one is a bit misleading, since the name means “Swatch Mercedes ART”. It’s very smart if you consider fuel consumption and ease of parking — less smart is feeling of panic you have when driving between 2 tractor-trailers on the highway at 110lm/m on a windy day.

Smart Phone
It stands for a phone that has more communication or productivity features, such as web browsing, music, camera, email, text message, etc. It does allow us to bring part of the desktop computing experience on the road. Unfortunately, the only part it does not enhance at all is actually the most basic function: phoning.

Smart Meter
Introduced this year by our electricity distributors, it is marketed as a new way to reduce our electricity cost. It’s actually a new way to force us to change our habits by using electricity in pre-determined time-slots (night-time and week-ends) while paying ever more for the service.

Smart Bomb
This is a bomb that has fins, sensors and a computer. It can steer to hit the target more precisely. In theory, it allows to drop less bombs to hit a specific target. Looks like a slightly less messy way to kill tons of people.