1. Clowns riding dragons… Terror from above!
2. New body modification: plastic dolls implants!
3. New body modification: total face splitting!
4. Clones: buy one get one free!
5. Attack butterflies: the new silent killer.
6. Inflatable houses: beware of large bees!
7. Smimming straight across Atlantic Ocean. Tired!

1. Is it the spark that make us do beautiful things and have pure thoughts?
2. Is it the sum of all laws of physics, the cause of all things?
3. Is it a jealous, fear-inspiring, genocidal but also just and forgiving anthropomorphic character?
4. Is it a purely good, just, all-powerful and benevolent entity?
5. Is is a fictional character people invented to explain things before science?
6. Is it a personal friend with whom you have a direct relationship?

IF you believe there is an all wise and all powerful God, creator of the whole universe,
THEN you must listen to what he has to say.

IF you think God wrote or at least inspired a book,
THEN you must read it and accept every word of it.

IF you accept every word of it,
THEN you must obey every parts of it.

IF you obey every part of it,
THEN you must stone your children to death if they disobey you.
(Deuteronomy 21:18-21)

IF you obey every part of it,
THEN you must stone homosexuals to death.
(Leviticus 20:13)

IF you obey every part of it,
THEN you must stone your fiancee if she is raped.
(Deuteronomy 22:23-24)

IF you obey every part of it,
THEN you must stone your wife if she is not a virgin on your wedding night.
(Deuteronomy 22:13-21)

IF you obey every part of it,
THEN you must stone everybody who worship a different god than yours.
(Deuteronomy 17:2-5)

IF you obey every part of it,
THEN you must stone all wizards (if you can find some).
(Leviticus 20:27)

IF you obey every part of it,
THEN you must stone everybody that works on Saturday.
(Numbers 15:32-56)

IF you obey every part of it,
THEN you must stone everybody that is blaspheming.
(Leviticus 24:16)
Do you believe there is a god who created the whole universe?
Do you believe he wrote or inspired a book?
Did you read every word of it?
Do you apply every commands in it?
If not, why?

You should start piling up stones because you have a lot of work ahead of you.

Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi, senior Iranian cleric,told his worshippers on Friday: “Many women who dress inappropriately … cause youths to go astray, taint their chastity and incite extramarital sex in society, which increases earthquakes,”. He also added “Calamities are the result of people’s deeds…. We have no way but [to] conform to Islam to ward off dangers.”

I then realized that my geology teachers lied to me for years. Those teachers made up words like “tectonic plates”, “subduction”, “moho layer” as well as concepts such as magma convection and divergent boundaries to explain earthquakes.

All that time wasted studying science when in fact, girls only have to cover up. It’s so simple!

If women would listen to men, we could have averted the devastating earthquake that killed 803,000 in China in 1556, 300,230 in the Indonesia tsunami in 2004, and 230,000 in Haiti earlier this year.

I’m ready to accept that natural disasters are the result of sin. After all, if bronze age desert people believed in it, it must be true. I have a few questions though:

Does the number of uncovered women affect the type of natural disaster or only its magnitude?

Does the choice of the uncovered part have an impact on the natural disasters we deserve?

Is a visible shoulder worst than  visible hair? Does cleavage bring in more thunder than an exposed stomach? If it is the case, then surely topless beaches, nude camps and swingers clubs must be bombarded by meteors and lightning bolts all the time, no?

I suggest we pay more attention to ancient texts and traditions and stop wasting time learning “science” and thinking rationally. I also suggest covering up women, men, children and small dogs to avoid the wrath of God. Of course, we’d have to obey all the demands of ALL the gods ever imagined by people since the dawn of time. What do you think?

1. When I run, background music starts.
2. Monster in the basement. Get rope…
3. Marathon starts. Laces untied. Huge pileup.
4. Flying jetpack really high. Need jacket.
5. Travelling by catapult. Missed a bit.
6. I am an amnesic time traveller.
7. I mastered the one-note song.
8. Base jumping, train surfing. Getting tired.
9. Gremlins under bed. Release the werewolf.

I have a friend named Julius Caesar, ex-Roman Emperor. Shortly after his death, he was sanctified as a deity. He’s a great guy who listens to me, advises me on a wide range of problems I’m facing, and who gives me hope and moral support when I need it. Although he lived a little more than 2,000 ago, he is still very much relevant to my life and what I’m going through. I talk to him on a daily basis and he answers me, in my head. He is invisible but I can feel his presence around me, like a comforting blanket.

Am I privileged to have a personal relationship with a god or am I just plain delusional?

Does it make a difference what the name of that imaginary friend is?