The scientific method and the supernatural

Are magical spells, psychic abilities, telepathy or telekinetic abilities real?

Although we see those things in books and movies, or hear stories about them, we have no credible evidence that any of those things are real.

No psychic was ever able to collect the 1 millions dollar prize from James Randi ( by proving real psychic abilities or demonstrated it in controlled conditions. Ever.

Evidences are important and are the foundation of what we call reality.

The scientific method is comprised of the following steps:

1. Define the question
2. Gather information and resources (observe)
3. Form hypothesis
4. Perform experiment and collect data
5. Analyze data
6. Interpret data and draw conclusions that serve as a starting point for new hypothesis
7. Publish results
8. Retest (frequently done by other scientists)

For example, I can say that telepathy exists. Then, I can ask 20 self-proclaimed masters of telepathy to come in my lab. In this controlled environment, behind opaque dividers, I ask each one of them to tell me the word I just read. I compile the results and notice that none of the results are positive. I repeat that test 100 times with the same results. I then conclude that the test shows that those self-proclaimed masters of telepathy cannot do what they claim to do. I then publish my findings in a scientific magazine, where other scientists can analyze my method and my data, as well as reproduce my experiment.

If I had based my opinion on 1 or 2 positive anecdotes, without knowing the conditions of the telepathic readings, the clues the person gave to the psychic prior to the reading, the level of accuracy of the answers, the number of wrong answer that lead to the correct answer, I might think telepathy is real.

Whenever you wonder if something is real, dig deeper.

The Office Circus

Hilda & Olga
Beauty Pageant Finalist & Contortionist Siamese Twins

Mr. Amazing

Hivanoe Brothers
Flying Trapeze Artists

Ivan the Giant

Imeldana The Nubian Princess
Expert Master Psychic Level 3
Accounting & Financial Planning

127 Umpalumpas
Jungle Lilliputians previously employed by Willy Wonka
Data Entry

Dr. Mysterio
All-around mysterious character that hides behind a curtain

Believable Jobs

If you believe in miracles, invisible or mythical creatures (such as angels, demons, ghosts, etc) or magic, the following jobs are actually believable:

Unicorn Wrangler

They do pack a punch in that little magical body! Leave it to professionals to tame the unicorn you got for Christmas!

Ectoplasm Janitor

These things do leave a mess

Divine Assurance Adjuster

The “ask and you shall receive” is just the beginning. With so many loopholes, hidden clauses and secret exemptions, this professional come in handy when you have a complaint about a prayer that went wrong.

Gnome Psychologist

These little guys have problems too, you know.

Chimera Veterinarian

With such a complex anatomy resulting of their double-DNA, they cannot be trusted to your run-of-the-mill cryptozoovet.

Asgard Real Estate Agent

Asgard is a big crowded place with some premium lots left. Ask your local Asgard real estate agent for a condo near Thor’s Garden and you won’t be disappointed!

Ghost Psychotherapist

Scaring people can get hard on the moral, even for invisible hosts.

Wizard Personel Agency

You have all those powers, but no job where you can fulfill your magical dream? Search no more!

Dragon Groomer

Even those beasts need a pedicure once in a while and those scales don’t polish themselves mister!

New Rides at the Amusement Parks

  • The Skull Crusher
  • The Impaler
  • The Bowel Shaker
  • The Regurgitater (previously called the Vominator)
  • The Diaper Experience
  • Barfie 2
  • Odd Puddle
  • The Projectile Lunch
  • The Widow Maker 4
  • The Blender of Doom
  • Fun Trap of Death
  • Izzie Dizzy
  • Ad Nausea
  • Chunky Soup Mansion

On aphrodisiacs…

Aphrodisiacs are used since the dawn of time. It is a huge market, particularly in China, for some reasons.

Did you ever stop and think about HOW people found out some substances make them horny?

Some of them might have been eaten as part of a regular meal — chocolate, asparagus or oysters for example. Then the guy noticed that his pants were tighter than usual and that he wanted to jump the farm girl.

Some of them are herbs. We could imagine indigenous guys walking in the forest, very hungry. They pick up some leaves or some foul smelling roots and chew them. Then, BOUM!, full erection!

Some other popular aphrodisiacs could NOT have been tested by accident. Someone walks with a lab coat and a clipboard, and sample everything on the whole planet, then note the effect in their pants it seems. Here are few:
Spanish Fly: the dried, crushed body of the green blister beetle known as Cantharis Vesicatoria. I won’t even ask how the first guy found out about this one.
Rhinoceros Horn: used by some tribes in Northern India. It is said to make men sexually unstoppable. Unfortunately, the “horny” play on word only works in English, unless the “horn” and “horny” are both “naboualabito’hah” in Sanskrit.
Tiger Penis: A much revered as an aphrodisiac in China, Taiwan and South Korea. A Tiger Penis soup is sold for up to $350 per bowl. Who is the first guy who thought: let’s catch a tiger, cut-off his pecker, chew on it for a while, then try with the old lady to see if we notice a difference?
Powdered Reindeer Antlers: How would guys in Asia know that the reindeers possess a strong aphrodisiac in their antlers, but only when you grind them up?

Since guys take obviously anything to get aroused, what about selling them things we have too much of, like Northern Ontario Black Flies, Powered Rat’s Tails, Fried Pigeon Livers or Cockroach  Tea?

New Restaurant Ideas

You sit 6 feet from the waiter, who shoots food at you using a mini-catapult. Your job is to catch your dinner with your mouth — or go hungry. Customers are asked to dress in white to enhance the effect.

The restaurant is a large pool; customers and waiters are in small aluminum rafts; lifeguards have shotguns. The pool is filled with sharks, electric eels and piranhas. Don’t drop your plate or put your hands in the water… Only for adrenalin freak gourmets.

Customers are on stilts and are eating on 12 feet high tables; waiters are on tall unicycles. The crashes of stilts, unicycles and food are a thing of beauty!

What kind of snob are you?

We often think of elitism as relating only to knowledge or money. This “us vs them” superiority complex can be found in several areas:

  • Money Snob: people with less money just didn’t work hard enough.
  • Nationalist: your country is better then other countries.
  • Racist: your race is the superior one. The others races just don’t seem to get it.
  • Sexist: the gender you belong to is superior. Period.
  • Music Snob: your musical tastes place you into a higher league. You despise what is popular or playing on the radio.
  • Movie Snob: The blockbusters are not for you. Your acute sense of aesthetics make you prefer a black and white Swedish documentary about a midlife crisis over the latest Hollywood popular hit. You look down on people who like action movies.
  • Technology Snob: your choices of technology define you as superior to the mass (your computer’s operating system, your speakers’ brand, etc). You are willing to pay 4 times more for a specific brand, even if people tell you they are all made from the same parts.
  • Clothes/accessories Snob: This Gucci purse or that Armani suit sets you apart from the crowd of the Wal-Mart slobs.
  • Car Snob: Your BMW or Audi is not JUST a transportation device; it defines you as a person.
  • Drink Snob: the wine you drink clearly makes you more sophisticated. The price is an indication of the content and he level of refinement of the person drinking it.
  • Education Snob: the school you went to not only gave you better knowledge, connections and overall intellectual growth, it also made you a better human — a superior one.
  • Book Snob: the classics you read raised the bar of your intellect to such a level that you look down on the Cro-Magnons who cannot quote Plato.
  • Worship / Afterlife Snob: the brand of religion you chose makes you purer or more righteous and eventually holder of a better afterlife plan than most people.
  • Adrenaline Snob: You don’t understand why those wusses don’t all base jump, backyard wrestle or street luge on the week-end.

Which of those groups are you part of?

6-Word Stories — Part 2

  1. Sleep walking. Open window. Flying lessons!
  2. Zombies with loaded shotguns. Run fast!
  3. Crowded Train. Start Chainsaw. Peaceful Ride!
  4. Boring meeting. Snake in briefcase. Entertainment!
  5. Tiny car. Huge van. Flying car!

Modern Activities

Speed Reminiscing
Who has time to talk to people now? One room, 20 old school friends, 3 minutes total. Make it quick.
— Remember when…
— Oh yeah, I do!
— Good to see you. Bye!

Power Spelling
Looking for a good way to use your ADD? The game is to spell 2 or 3 words at the same time, by alternating one letter for each word.

 Micro Twittering
If 140 characters are too many for you, try MicroTwitter: only 3 characters! On the upside, you’ll probably do less typos.

 Live Facebook
With the new Facebook headgear containing a webcam, you can now record and post your whole life realtime.

My Life’s Little Pleasures

  • Smelling and feeling freshly bleached white bed sheets
  • Smelling freshly cut grass
  • Visiting the bookstore
  • Feeling of warm coffee in the morning
  • Giggling from a crazy idea I just had
  • Seeing my kids asleep
  • Hearing my kids’ laugh
  • Hearing my kids explain scientific processes
  • A night of boardgames with friends
  • Perfecting another Karate technique
  • Talking with my wife in the den while the kids play
  • Sharing an inside joke with my wife
  • Drawing with my kids
  • Watching a cool B-movie
  • Admiring nature: variety of clouds, fractal shapes of trees…
  • Writing

What are yours?

Lesser-known but Important Inventors

Jason the Jargonaute
Created jargon by leveraging a multi-tier paradigm win-win non-verbal architecture.

Ming Sui Lu
Created the shy giggle in 4500 BC. She become rich after collecting royalties from her invention over the rest of her life.

Alexander Josephus Ebrahim Del Continuum il Tenaranik III
Created the first acronym in 1839.

Developed the angry look called “evil eye” in 6.9 million BC after his friend Baarr hit him on the head with a stone.

Gontran Monparnasse
Creator of the unibrow. He patented his creation and become millionaire when it became trendy in the 1920s.

Mary Wollworthe
Invented the fluffy clouds in 1756 using a steam machine, an ice box and a fan.

John Whyte
Invented the atom in 1926. 12 years later, he went on to invent gravity, daylight and magnetism. He is often credited to have created the first shadow.

6-Word Stories — Part 1

  1. Vodka. Driving recklessly again. Splattered wall. 
  2. New pants. Red wine. Cleanup required. 
  3. Loud neighbor. Rusty axe. Silence finally… 
  4. Mission to Venus. Sexy Creatures appear. 
  5. Mission to Mars. No such luck. 
  6. Mission to Mercury. Helmets melting. Mistake!

10 ways to have fun at meetings

  1. Paint your face and hands a slight lime green color. Put a diffuse black light in your collar and cuffs, as to produce a ghostly effect.
  2. Talk only in Morse code.
  3. Include tons of biblical references when you talk, quote prophets and mention something about God’s wrath if the others don’t agree with your ideas.
  4. Before the meeting, hide speakers. Then, during the meeting, play whispered rude comments about people attending and other coworkers.
  5. Talk in an unusually high-pitched voice, laugh too loud and sound like a sheep while doing so.
  6. Bring far too many objects at the table and set them up in front of you. Include pictures of your family, several coffee cups, 3 laptops, tons of wires, 11 stress balls, decorative cartoon figurines, and a few hats.
  7. Place a picture frame of your dog in front of you and pretend to be on the verge of crying the whole meeting.
  8. Hire 5 or 6 homeless people, dress them in a suits and sit them among the executives. Agree with what they say with enthusiasm.
  9. Every time someone is talking, roll your eyes, make a snorting sound, shake your head and place your forehead in your palms.
  10. Loudly compliment people on the wrong things: “Wow Kathy, I love how tight your skirt is! It really shows your ass!”, “Goddamn it Albert, I wish I’d be as sweaty as you!”.

Welcome to Thor High!

Thor High is a college preparatory school dedicated to the highest academic standards for the development of moral character, the enrichment of spiritual lives, and the perpetuation of growth in Norse ideals.
Statement of Faith
To ensure the perpetuation of these basic concepts, it is resolved by the founders of the school that all those who become associated with Thor High must believe and publicly acknowledge his belief in the divine inspiration of the Eddas and the Heimskringla, that Odin created the world out of nothing, that Thor our Lord and Savior is the preexistent Son of Odin and was born of Jörd, a virgin, that He died to pay the price of the sins of all people, that He was bodily resurrected from the grave, and that, by repentance and acceptance of and belief in Him, by Odin’s grace, the individual is saved to abundant and eternal life in Valhalla located in Asgaard, in the presence and power of the nine worlds. It is further resolved that the teachings of this school shall never deviate from the above principles.
Under the constant guidance of our core values (courage, force, vengeance and patience), students will learn the beliefs, art and crafts of the great Norse People, as created by Odin.Courses include:

  • Poems, Tales and Songs
  • Advanced Navigation
  • Agriculture Techniques and Soil Science
  • Weapon Making
  • Pillaging 101
  • Fur & Metal: Fashion of the Gods

Why do you believe in God?

If you do believe in God, please take a few moment and answer as honestly as you can. You can also post a comment and let me know.

  1. Your parent told you so and you never questioned them.
  2. Your family, friends and community believe, so do you.
  3. You simply feel it in your heart.
  4. You are afraid of what would happened if you don’t (hell or God’s anger).
  5. You want the reward (eternal life in heaven).
  6. You want to meet your deceased loved ones again at some point.
  7. It feels good to think someone is watching over you.
  8. You believe that it helps you with hope, happiness, etc through answers to your prayers.
  9. It is the only option that gives order to your reality; that explains the human presence, the human consciousness, as well as the physical reality.
  10. You studied, analyzed and compared all viable options (theistic and non-theistic) and came to the conclusion that God exist, He is the only God, things written or commonly accepted about Him are true and it is in your interest to believe in Him, as well as to follow his commands as written in your translation of the Bible.

The New WWF

deliciouslyquirky latex suit

Welcome to the new Wildlife Wrestling Federation, where pandas wrestle koalas, bears wrestle gerbils and lemurs wrestle possums.

Only on Pay-per-View!

Super Grand Master Psychic Premium Deluxe Pro +

Don’t be fooled by regular run-of-the-mill Master Psychics. We offer reading that are 79% more accurate than Master Psychics*, sound 87% more mysterious and have a much more impressive name.

Other psychics will tell you “you will meet someone tall” — we can tell their driver’s license number, shoe size and bank account security access code.

As far as you know, we are not using the methods other psychics are using, such as the shotgun approach, rapid-fire, fishing for answers, or body-language readings. We only use 100% pure natural cold-pressed virgin psychic energy from the rainforest.

Come see us today! We’ll both feel better about our future.

* based on our own estimate. Results may vary and are guaranteed 100%, except when it applies to fact-checking, inquiries or follow-ups. Do not take internally. Not recommended to carbon-based life forms. Not suitable for advice on any action. Not responsible for expectation, hopes or lack of results.

Specialized Zoology Careers

Insect and Invertebrate Psychologist
When your ant colony starts to behave erratically or when your grubs seem depressed, it’s time to call the Insect and Invertebrate Psychologist. Your insects will resume their tasks orderly and your invertebrates will crawl happily again with what will seem to be a tiny smile, guaranteed or your money back!

Insect Taxidermist
Your favorite flea died and you want to preserve it in all its glory? The Insect Taxidermist can help. You will be able to proudly display your beloved flea on your mantle piece for years to come.

Pet Tattoo Artist
Want your Poodle to look more effeminate with a rose on its butt? Wish your hamster would look meaner with a barbwire on its tiny biceps? Wait no more! You can now give your pet the gift of ink!

Larva Fashion Designer
It’s not because you’re half an inch long and live underground that you have to look frumpy! Those adorable larvae can now accessorize like a socialite!

Impressive Credentials

Paradigm Leverage Symbiotic Two-Tier Reorganization Diploma from the Jarnonex Business Institute.

Masters in Partial Questioning from the Trivial Pursuit Casual Knowledge Center.

New Age
Passive Reflective Non-Committal Certificate of Existing from the Still Water Academy of Intemporal Arts.

Associate Doctorate in Cosmetic Cerebral Enhancement from the Happy Clown Travelling School of Neuro Surgery.

New Age
Diploma in Holistic Telluric Current Usage in Ectoplasm Rebirthing from the Center for the Karmic Multiverses.

PH.D. in Large-Scale Terraforming from the Interstellar Academy of Planetary Rejuvenation.

Lie to Me

Pretend the world is fair.
Invent magical forces to protect me.
Create an ultimate reward and punishment so I behave.
Filter what comes to my eyes and ears.
Protect me from the evil straw men.
Tell me what I like.
Show me what I’m supposed to look like.
Comfort me with made-up results.
Punish someone so I feel safe.
Restrict me and call it security.
Enslave me but make it ok by showing me worse elsewhere.
Empower me with placebos.
Hide the strings so I don’t feel manipulated.
Lie to me.
Please Lie to Me.

About Clowns

What is the appropriate behavior for a clown?

  1. How much groping can he get away with?
  2. Is a clown on LSD funnier than a clown on crack?
  3. Can he make lewd comments to the female audience?
  4. Can he make sexual objects with balloons?
  5. Can he ramble to kids for 20 minutes on US foreign policies in Iraq?
  6. Are extremely crude racist jokes ok if said by his puppet?
  7. Can 2 clowns fake explicit acts on stage?
  8. Can he swear if he adds “arooni” at the end of the swear word?

What is the appropriate dress code for a clown?

  1. Are dangling extremities ok to show if painted?
  2. How much blood is too much on a clown’s face?
  3. Can he carry a shotgun?
  4. Can he get clown makeup tattooed on his face to save time?
  5. Can he wear crotchless pants?

The REAL Survivor

Surviving means to overcome life-threatening dangers and stay alive.
You can only say you survived a hay ride if it’s on fire going down a cliff, and you don’t die.

Unlike the TV show, where the harshest things contestants have to survive to are lame activities and deceptive mind games from annoying competitors, the REAL Survivor goes a bit further in testing the human spirit. Here are a few deadly activities that would amusing to watch for the hard-to-please audience:

  1. Chased by 50 skilled tribesmen with blow guns, contestants wearing only a red Speedo hop with their feet bound and try to capture the flag, while trying to avoid the poison darts.
  2. Naked and covered in BBQ sauce, contestants have to take meat away from the lions, then eat as much as possible of that raw meat while running full speed toward the save zone, 2 km away.
  3. Contestants carrying uncooked ground beef in their bathing suit have to cross a river full of piranhas. The first to reach the other side wins immunity. Whoever is still alive goes to the next round.

Ode to the Perfect Pet

Nothing fuming to pick up from the carpet.
No midnight rumble with a plastic bag.
No chewed shoes because you’re bored.
No hairy cushions left behind.
No forced walk in the cold with a wrapped dangling gift.
No clumping litter to change, ever.
No piling vet, psychologist and psychic bills
No seasonal mermaid calls at 3am.
No embarrassing knit sweater to buy.

Only quiet contemplation.
Only silent approval.
And a monthly dusting seance.

You are the perfect pet, my glass hippo.

Lame Geometric Superheroes

Circulon, master of flowy Aikido, circular sweeps and roundhouse kicks, is his best when cirled by the ennemy. He fights crime with his brothers Squarex, Triangulor and Ovoloid.

Their arch-enemy, Free-Form Sam, tries to input irregular thoughts in their heads with The Pattern, a virus conceived by his head scientist, Geomitrus.

How to Break Bones in a Good Way

Several options are even more glamorous to break bones than doing drunken breakdancing in your bathtub or slipping in your icy driveway with your arms full of grocery bags. When backyard wrestling is not available in your neighborhood, you can try:

BASE Jumping
BASE stands for Building, Antenna, Span & Earth. It means jumping from a tall building, a tall antenna, a tall bridge of a tall cliff. I’m saying tall because your parachute might have a problem opening from a 37 foot cliff. A full body cast for 2 years is not as cool as a 45 second perfect fall with a smooth landing, posted on Youtube. BASE Jumping can be made more exciting by putting a lead suit and jumping over a busy highway during a hurricane.

Street Luge
The idea here is to lay down on an oversized skateboard and go down a steep street. One version of this sport is to wear a special suit with a wheel on every joint of your body, so you can change position while going full speed toward a certain death.
Train Hopping
If you want to feel like a hero in an action film, there is nothing better then to jump on the roof of a running train. The potential for joyful life-threatening injuries are endless! To make things more fun, you should wear roller blades and a wingsuit during that activity.

Group Blindfolded Sumo Wrestling
One regular guy is covered with HP sauce and is thrown in a cage with 12 starving blindfolded sumos. The longevity record is 42 seconds.

What are Your Basic Assumptions?

The basic assumptions are the general guidelines that colour every ideas you have about your reality.

  1. Is life fair?
  2. Is there a benevolent force that will make things fair at some point? (reward the good and punish the bad)
  3. Are humans the jewel of creation or rather a fortunate accident?
  4. Are people basically good?
  5. Is science obscure and evil?
  6. Is magic and the supernatural real?
  7. Is anything possible, even the most fantastic claims?
  8. Are there powerful but secretive groups with evil agenda?
  9. Is what you see on TV or read in newspaper truthful?
  10. Can you get a good grasp on reality based on your senses and your intellect?
  11. Is reality limited to what you can measure, analyse and reproduce?

Answers to questions like these will determine how people interpret the world based on the same facts, but arrive to totally different conclusions.

They Will Really Know You

Two things are absolutely sure in the future: Marketers will find more intrusive ways to pry into your innermost secrets to sell you things you are willing to pay for and Hackers will always try and succeed at breaking into secure systems.

When you combine the 2, you have some intrusive but mighty powerful ways to reach potential customers.

Here are some examples of the conversion of marketing and hacking:

 GPS navigation Spying
With car onboard navigation system becoming more prevalent, GPS hacking will start to be used not only passively as an absence alert and a presence mapping used by criminals, but also actively as GSP hijacking to display only certain restaurants, gas stations and hotels that are part of a particular affiliate network.

Personal Agent
Right now, we have software to keep track of our busy schedules. In a near future, we’ll rely on software to book appointments, change those appointments in relation to the weather, other appointments, traffic delays, etc. Suggestions of routes or destinations will be made in relation to an affiliate network by default. Marketers/Hackers will know your exact schedule, preference of movies, books you order, music your agent plays — to have an exact log of your habits. They will know when to offer you certain products based on your routine. Criminals/Hackers will be able to peer into your schedule and move your appointments for you to leave the house for longer, leaving them plenty of time to enjoy your unattended residence.

Existing Security Network
Marketers/Hackers will hack into the street camera, store security cameras, red light cameras, ATM cameras and use face recognition software and track your every move, even when you don’t carry your GPS-embedded cell phone or computer with you. They will know your patterns, your friends, associates and affairs. They will use that data to profile you in extreme details.

Drive-by Digital Communication Hijacking
You drive by a store or a restaurant, and you hear an ad or subtle sounds that influence you into wanting what they sell. It could be an interstitial ad, a sound relating to what they sell or helping you bring back a memory relating to a similar need, or an intimately sounding soft order.

RFID Chip Tracking
Merchandise inventory is done remotely and digitally with RFID chips (Radio Frequency Identification). Passports in many countries are also identified with a RFID chip. In the near future, you can expect more physical objects beings tagged and tracked by a RFID system. Marketers/Hackers will know what you buy, from what store, how long you keep it in your house and where you put it by an overlay of your house, based on the floor plan they downloaded from the city building permit office they hacked into.

Your future life
You’ll be able to buy, for a substantial amount of money, an anti-hacking wireless shield for your person, your car, or your house. That shield will protect you from low-end hacking, until its security is breached. You’ll pay premium dollars to go to a week-end zero-stimulation resorts, where no ads will be presented to you. In your daily life, Marketers/Hackers will know everything about you, including your current location and who you are with.

Don’t worry. The future will appear friendly.

PromoClouds® — Cloud Marketing

The idea is to create large white balloon not for transportation or data gathering purpose, but solely for brand exposure. It takes skywriting to the next level.

The gigantic white balloon would be in the shape of a simple logo, an arrow pointing to a service or an image representing a company in a certain context. Ballast would keep the bottom of the PromoClouds® pointing downward. Several PromoClouds® could be attached together to form a string of floating objects, such as a short tagline or a multipart logo.

The basic, less disruptive Promoclouds® would be white, to mimic a natural cloud. The premium version would be bioluminescent, as to be seen day and night. It would float below the natural cloud coverage, as to be visible even by a overcast day.

The Promoclouds® could be tethered to promote a local event or business or free-floating for global exposure.

Bad Product Ideas

  • Barbie Girl Anti-aircraft Machine Gun
  • Javex Pure Bleach Bubble Gum
  • Teletubbies Pregnancy test
  • Victoria Secret Body Armour
  • Looney Tunes Personal Land Mines
  • Jack Daniel Baby Formula

What do you do?

Next time you are at a social gathering and someone ask you the “What do you do?”, have a little fun with it.

  • I’m a geneticist and I’m working on mating rhinos with gerbils.
  • I pile cardboard boxes.
  • I dream, rest and sometimes yawn.
  • I’m second in charge of a partial committee working on temporary groups.
  • I’m a plastic surgeon to the rich & famous. I worked on Michael Jackson’s nose.
  • I’m a cheerleading coach for overweight middle-aged men.
  • I’m a meeting-filler. I dress up in a suit and go to meetings for different companies — I nod and pretend to take notes.
  • I’m a organ-philanthropist. Care for a used spleen?
  • I’m a pre-embalmer. I start embalming clients while they are alive to save time. My friends thought it was too creepy. Want to be my friend?

Ode to Pseudo-Knowledge

The Norwegian Dwarf Elf prefers the roots of the white oak and celebrates the festival of Gur’ox. I know that because I have a degree in a Elfology from the Elvian University of Oslo.

Now, you probably think I made the whole thing up. Why?

Would it help the credibility of my degree or the reliability of my alleged knowledge if I told you I got the degree from someone really competent in a equally unverifiable field?

What do you accept as credentials? Would that authority be based solely on unverifiable claims and paid testimonials or would it have to be anchored on real, commonly accepted and measurable data?

Would that knowledge have to be based on something that actually exist?

What if that knowledge is not based on any empirical data or evidence, but based on unseen, invisible, supernatural or even on magical claims?

Can we assert authority on a field that is made up of unverifiable claims?

Does knowledge have to be useful or practical? Can that usefulness be quantifiable in a non-partisan, non-biased and repeatable way?

What if I claim to have a associate degree from the Alternative Medicine Institute of PingLam in Phrenology and Chromatic Aura Healing using Telluric Currents?

Would you put your health in my hands? Will you trust me with your cancer?

Would reading a list of fictitious testimonials on my glossy brochure help you make up your mind and pay me to heal you?

100th Post!!! Wooohooooo!

Pour célébrer le 100e article sur ce blog, voici une collection complète des textes en français que j’ai écrit au début des années 1990.

Ils sont séparés en 5 categories:

  • Fiction dramatiques
  • Proses
  • Pensées
  • Humour — Quasi-cohérents
  • Humour — Épileptiques

J’aimerais bien lire vos commentaires!

NEW Extreme Sports!

After the success of extreme sports such as base jumping, urban luge and train jumping, we are proud to introduce a series of new and exciting extreme sports:

Extreme Line Dancing
Nothing but cowboy hats, thongs and pogo sticks…

Unicycle Football
Bodychecking has never been so much fun to watch!

Rollerblade Tighrope
Take off the rubber wheels and Fly!

Urban Pole Vaulting
From the Rooftop to the Pavement in a Hearbeat!

High-tech Christmas Gifts

  • Internet-ready Christmas tree
  • Battery-operated self-centering nails with laser target (pack of 20)
  • Self-aware carbon nanotube beach towel
  • 12 inch globe with LCD countries for dynamic motion cloud coverage based on current satellite pictures
  • Solar panel-powered winter hat
  • Rear-camera glasses to see what is behind you as you walk
  • AM/FM muffin

Beauty Of The Natural World: Appreciating the Structure

Macro-appearance of Micro-arrangement
The electron are orbiting pretty far from the nucleus. When the atoms are combined to form matter, the macro-scale structure can appear solid and without gaps, while if you zoom it to the atomic level, you’ll see mostly void (1 to 1,000,000,000,000,000 scale of matter to void!).

Fractality of Natural Structures
Fractals are patterns created through seemingly random processes, no matter the zooming level. If you use start from a satellite photo of a coastline, then zoom in to molecular level, you’ll always see an irregular pattern.

Scale Range
The scale of the universe is absolutely astounding. It stretches from the observations of particle physics (composition of the atoms) to cosmology (the whole universe).

Our Atomic Makeup
The number of known elements is now up to 118, with the first 92 occuring naturally. The Earth itself, all the mineral, vegetal, animal and human life are mainly composed of the 10 most common elements. Organic life (vegetal, animal and us) is mainly composed of hydrogen, carbon, oxygen and nitrogen. All elements the humans are composed of are found on our planet — we are not alien being but physically a part of our environment.

Magnificent Natural Objects
Geodes, crystal formations, blossoming cherry tree, planetary rings and nebulas are some of the amazing products of the bonding of atoms in different environments.

The recent scientific concepts imagined to describe the inner workings of the natural world are fascinating. Multiverses, Multiple Big Bang theory, Superstring Theory, antimatter, quantum entanglement are only some of the those ideas.

Sweet Science Talk

Scientific languague is not just descriptive and accurate; it can also be mysterious and beautiful. Just read or listen to “The nature of Space and Time” by Stephen Hawkins and you’ll see what I mean.

You don’t have to know the deep meaning behind the concepts to appreciate the beauty of that specialized language. Just read the following expressions to experience some of that modern poetry:

  • Quantum gravity
  • Theory of causal dynamical triangulation
  • 4 dimensional spacetime manifold
  • Virtual blackhole as a quantum fluctuation of spacetime
  • Discretionary access control in a heterogeneous distributed database
  • Parallel Jacobi algorithms for the algebraic eigenvalue problem
  • Deoxyribonucleic acid
  • chromosomal crossover
  • Algebraic lattice
  • Chronostratigraphy
  • Cathodoluminescence

Now, try to drop “Finite-state automata with recursive-call state transitions” in a conversation…

Small Manageable World

The more I learn about politics, current events, religion, “creation science/intelligent design”, the more I realize that we have a closed and personal version of the general absolute reality. I think that our personal reality is shaped by their beliefs and by the limit of their knowledge.

We seem to find security in knowing ALL tof our universe, even if it’s extremely small, not mater how unreliable or unlikely its foundation really is. At least we understand it — at least it’s simple and obey some rules.

If you start to ask questions, if you leave the mental security blanket of having an overall explanation of reality, things begin to become less comfortable, even unsettling. By expanding your mental reality, you run the risk of loosing your landmarks, to venture in the unknown. You leave the small closet you know well and come out in the open field, at night — full of strange noises, peculiar lights, and unknown shapes.

I think that open field is worth exploring for the sake of finding the truth, even if it’s less comfortable and reassuring.

Non-evil Secret Societies

Not all secret societies are evil underground cults designed to control the world (at least, that’s what the masked whispering man ordered me to say).

The Cloud Gazers
They meet in a secluded field, lay down in the grass, and watch clouds for hours. Their hierchy is as loose as the object of their observation.

The Fraternity of the Muffin Gobblers
Affiliated with the The Secret Society of Pie Eaters and The Order of the Crumpet Crumpers
These societies are organized around a specific culinary treat. Factions have been known to appear when a group realized they wanted nothing to do with the unnatural preferences of others. We’ll recall the Vanilla Ice Scream incident that lead to the formation of the Orthodox Apple Pie Movement.

The Order of the Whimsical Head Cover
This group meets once a month, wear funny hats and giggle. They are occasionally bullied by the Pokadot Beret Sisterhood.

The Nihilists
The only group that denies its own existence on a regular basis.

The Magic of Christmas Explained

Number of Children
In 2008, there are approximately 6.7 billion people on earth, with 2.4 billion children , with around 650 million being Christian. With an average of 3.5 children per household, we then have 186 million houses around the world that are expecting Santa to show up on Christmas night.

Time Available
Santa Claus has to deliver all his presents in about 31 hours, counting the different time-zones, which means he has to visit 1667 houses per second. In about 0.001 second, he has to get to the next house, land on the roof, unhook his safety harness, get out of the sled, find the toy in his huge bag (that is several kilometers high as we’ll see), enters the chimney, place the gifts under the tree, eat the cookies, drink the milk, get up the chimney and get in the sled and tie up his safety harness.

Distance to Cover
With a planet circumference of 40,076 km and with 186 million stops in all countries of the Earth (starting from the Canadian North Pole and excluding Antartica), we can grossly estimate a total travelling distance of 150 million kilometers.

Speed of the Sled
Since Santa Claus has 31 hours to do 150,000,000 km — he then has to travel at almost 5 million Km/h. This does not include any time for the Santa Claus and his reindeers to rest or to take a pee break. Such a speed would create an enormous air resistance which would have to effect to heat up the 2 front reindeers. Actually, they would heat up so much, they would be vaporized within the first 0.001 second. The acceleration would be about 20,000 G, which would instantly liquify Santa Claus and his jolly reindeers. The air resistance would then affect the second pair of reindeer in line, vaporizing them. Within 4 thoussandth of a second, the whole gang, including Santa, would be vaporized.

Weight of the load
Assuming an average weight per gift of 2 pound and an average dimensions per gift of  1foot x 1foot x 1foot, the weight of the sled would be about 1,300,000,000 pounds or 589,670,081 kg.

Size of the load
Assuming a cargo area of 6 feet wide x 4 feet long, the height of the sled load would be : 27,083,333 feet or 8,255 Km high. Planes fly to at 30,000 feet or 9 km, so Santa’s sled could hit several planes during his tour.

The Milk & Cookie Situation
During Christmas night, if every house leaves only 1 cookie for Santa, this means a total of almost 2 million Kilos of cookies (based on a 10g cookie) and 18.7 million liters of milk (based on 0.1 liter per glass)! I assume he would have to find a washroom once in a while…

Protective Gears Required

  • He would have to have a extremely good collision avoidance system to drive at that speed.
  • He would have to wear fantastic goggles too, since the speed of the wind in his eyes (4,838,710 Km/h) would be intolerable.
  • A powerful safety harness would be required for the quick turns and abrupt deccelaration.
  • They would wear kevlar/carbon microfiber blend body armours, to prevent such appaling scene.
  • In order to drink 2 cookies and eat a glass of milk at each stop (in less that 0.0003 second), Santa Claus would have to have a special titanium alloy digestive system.
  • He would also have to have a special skin and skelettal structure to withstand such speed.
  • The sled would also be equipped with radar deflector and stealth external structure, to avoid being detected by radar from NORAD.
  • They would have to be protected by a strong force field (which has not been invented yet).

Ahhh, the magic of Christmas!

Based on an ideas, assumptions and base calculations of my friend, Frankie The Lone Ranger

Do you believe me?

This morning, I saw a cute unicorn being chased by a dragon and a troll in my backyard.

Do you believe me? Why not?

Those creatures are part of the world folklore for thousands of years and thousands of stories were written about them. You can also see them in paintings and in movies.

Of course, you could say they don’t exist based on the total lack of archaeological evidence and the absolute lack of credible eye witnesses in recorded history.

Then, how can anyone believe in other creatures that share the same mythical characteristics, such as angels, demons and ghosts?

How do you know?

  1. What percentage of your knowledge are you absolutely sure of?
  2. What are your criterias in evaluating the reliability of the information?
  3. How do you know that the information is not biased?
  4. Do you know which piece of information in your brain comes from gossip, false assumption, TV show fiction, unchecked fact from a magazine, an opinion from a blog or a well-documented piece of reliable knowledge?
  5. Can you differenciate between accurate memories and false/distorted memories from 20 years ago?
  6. How do you know that even a well-documented information from a reliable source is not false?

Sports of the Gods

Celestial Bowling
You take a moon and throw it as far as you can, using the planetary gravitationnal slingshot effect to produce nice curve balls. The goal is to knock the most planets out of orbit. The fun never stops!

Spacial Origami
When you have unlimited powers, you can fold space and time. The most popular shapes among gods are swans and frogs.

You create a population on a planet. You then unleash earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanic eruptions and watch them scream and run! Gods never get tired of that one.

Extreme TV Shows

JetPack Race
5 racers have to fly to the other side of a large warehouse with electrified ceiling, floor and walls, while dodging dodge poles and windmills.

Last Bot Standing
In the game called “Last Bot Standing”, a team of 10 exoskeleton-wearing contestants have to capture the flag on a Peruvian jungle cliff. To do so, they must first eliminate the other contestants, each more armed than the next.

Whose Face is it Anyway
This highly addictive show features a paid contestant that goes about his or her daily life wearing a special helmet with cerebral probes, controlled by the viewers via web surveys. The actions receiving the most votes will be applied to the contestant. The probes produce results by affecting different parts of the volunteers’ brains with electric impulses. They can affect motricity, dexterity, facial expressions and speech. The goal is to produce the most embarassing situations, viewed 24 hours a day, live in high-definition.

Extreme Makeover
Viewers suggest makeovers. The makeovers can include plastic surgery, cranial implants, DNA modifications, body extensions, skin modification, extra limbs, and genetic regression. A panel of judges choose the best 10 for 10 contestants, who will be given 1 million dollars each. At the end of the makeovers, viewers vote for the best one, who will receive an additional 10 million dollars.

Minor Superheroes

Ability to morph into anyone, providing they bare an uncannny ressemblance to himself.

Ability to teleport herself within a 1/2 inch range. If applied in rapid motion, can make opponent slightly dizzy.

Time Traveller
Can travel back and forth in time, but only 2 seconds.

Mind Reader
Ability to read minds, a long as the thoughts are about small grey dogs wearing purple vests.

Ability to create a copy of himself, but the copy appears at 12 million kilometers from the original.

Ability to switch the left and right side of her body for 2 seconds at a time.

Coolest Jobs Ever.

Here are 6 of the coolest jobs that are sure to generate alot of questions at a party. Please note that I did not create the content for this particular section. I also give the source of the information so you can look into it,  get a degree in one of those fields and change reality forever!

Galactic Archaeologist
Galactic Archaeology is concerned with the search for the most metal-poor and hence oldest stars of the Galaxy, and the determination of their chemical abundance patterns.
These stars are important tools for studying, e.g., the formation and chemical evolution of the Galaxy, the properties (e.g., mass, rotation) of the first generation of massive stars which exploded as type II supernovae and nucleosynthesis processes that occurred in them.

Exobiologist (or Astrobiologist)
The branch of biology that deals with the search for extraterrestrial life and the effects of extraterrestrial surroundings on living organisms. Also called astrobiology, space biology.

The Exobiology Branch conducts research in Exobiology seeking to increase our knowledge of the origin, evolution, and distribution of life in the universe. Answers are sought to questions such as: To what extent did chemical evolution occur in the primitive bodies of the solar system? How did life originate on the Earth, and what role did minerals play? What evidence exists regarding the early interplay between biological and environmental evolution?

What do molecular fossils tell us about early microbial evolution? How can the study of contemporary microbes or geochemical samples inform us of past events? The work of the staff in this Branch also provides the conceptual basis and measurement criteria for future spacecraft missions to other solar system bodies such as Mars, Titan, and comets, in search of answers to such fundamental questions in non-terrestrial settings.

The field of Astropsychology or Exopsychology is the field of study concerned with how intelligent extra-terrestrial beings operate, including their behavior, mental processes, and pathologies and is directly related to the more established and recognized field of space science known as Astrobiology or Exobiology

The terraforming (literally, “Earth-shaping”) of a planet, moon, or other body is the hypothetical process of deliberately modifying its atmosphere, temperature, surface topography or ecology to be similar to those of Earth to make it habitable by humans.
The term is sometimes used more generally as a synonym for planetary engineering. The concept of terraforming developed from both science fiction and actual science. The term was probably invented by Jack Williamson in a science-fiction story (“Collision Orbit”) published during 1942 in Astounding Science Fiction,[1] but the actual concept pre-dates this work.

Plastination is a technique used in anatomy to preserve bodies or body parts. The water and fat are replaced by certain plastics, yielding specimens that can be touched, do not smell or decay, and even retain most microscopic properties of the original sample. The 5 steps of plastination are:

  • Fixation
  • Dehydration
  • Forced impregnation
  • Hardening
  • Posing

Cryptozoology (from Greek κρυπτός, kruptos, “hidden” + zoology; literally, “study of hidden animals”) is the study of and search for animals which fall outside of contemporary zoological catalogs. It consists of two primary fields of research:

  • The search for living examples of animals taxonomically identified through fossil records, but which are believed to be extinct.
  • The search for animals that fall outside of taxonomic records due to a lack of empirical evidence, but for which anecdotal evidence exists in the form of myths, legends, or undocumented sightings.

Those involved in cryptozoological study are known as cryptozoologists; the animals that they study are often referred to as “cryptids”, a term coined by John Wall in 1983.

Cryptozoology has seen very little attention from the mainstream scientific community because it does not follow the scientific method in attempts to support its claims. 

The Truth About Lies

You have been lied to since you were born. You are lied to everyday. You are lying to yourself frequently.

Lies, deceptions, misinformation, disinformation, exagerations, generalisations, unfounded claims, errors and mistakes.

Your parents lied to you since you were born — sometimes to protect you, sometimes because they didn’t want to take the time to explain what they thought was the real explanation, sometimes because they didn’t know how to explain it and sometimes they made up an explanation because they didn’t know the real explanation.

You grow up and people lie to you everyday. Make-up can be a form of deception, by changing your physical appearance and looking younger. Heels and lift make you look taller. Botox and cosmetic surgery alter your appearance to make you look younger and smoother. You ask people how they are and most of the time, they answer: “fine!”. They don’t want to get into that argument they had over breakfast, or the colonoscopy pain they still have.

You are exposed to hundreds of lies a day in the form of advertising on TV, radio, internet, newspaper, magazines, billboards everywhere.

You lie to protect yourself and others,  to not take the time to go into details, to cover up a mistake, to appear better than you are, and for many other reasons.

Still, people expect us to tell the truth. Which one?

The only deceases you need

Inflation of the cerebrum caused by the bite of the Anamorphicus Rei mosquito. The substance contained in the saliva of that mosquito can increase your IQ by 80 to 100 points overnight. Warning: cranial explosions due to repeated doses can mess up your living room.

Peni Gigantis
The terrible affliction of suddenly getting a huge male organ. Can be embarrassing if carried by a woman. This non-hereditary trouble activates most frequently when a seratonin surge saturates the hypothalamus, such as meeting an aesthetically-pleasing person in an nightclub.

Hyper symmetry
A cerebral cortex imbalance that enhances greatly your physical symmetry, thus making you more appealing. Warning: can be cured by squinting really hard, drooling, spitting on the sidewalk, a lack of education and the frequent use of swearwords.

Your TRUE Horoscope for Today

Venus is in celcius, Jupiter is radioactive and Mars is in the House of Commons.

  • You will have a day like any other day, without great surprises.
  • Some generic nondescript events will happen in the world to people you don’t know.
  • You might meet someone you know today, but if you don’t leave the house, you might not.
  • You will get news from something slightly political in nature, or maybe about the weather.
  • Your lucky numbers are anywhere between 1 and a million.

This is valid for every sign, for the whole year. Next year might bring surprises… or not.

Today’s beautiful words, Part 3

The odd and unsupported view that our planet – the Earth – is spherical. This is contradictory with the evidence brought by the Flat Earth Society, who tries to educate the masses on the real shape of the Earth: a disc with the North Pole in the center and the South Pole along the edge. All photos of the round Earth have been doctored to push the Globularists agenda.

The hobby of having a mythical creature as pet. Most popular are elves, dragons and unicorns. Caution: one must be careful with the mytical creatures with magical powers.

The act of getting up early, dressing up as for a meeting, walking the neighborhood on a nice day, and trying to transform the reality assumptions of lucky people. Also refers to the act of trying to convert people to your religion.

What can you mentally see and hear?

How visual is your memory?
Can you do a playback of your favorite movie scenes in your mind?
Can you rotate object and change the camera angle in a mental scene?
Can you imagine yourself flying (with the changing view of the ground, nearby building)?
Can you construct a scene with customized items (not sampled from previously seen images)?
When you read a book, do you “see” the characters, locations, etc?

How “auditive” is your memory?
Do you sometimes have songs stuck in your head?
Can you replicate a real-sounding musical instrument in your mind?

Today’s beautiful words, Part 2

The noble profession of providing biological experimental canvasses for the hippocratic professionals. Vulgarly called corpse peddlers.

The art of bringing mental extasy to someone by carefuly suspending them upside-down and caressing them gently with a wooden paddle. Also involves taking them closer to the elemental nirvana by applying a thin hydrated cloth over their breating apparatus.

The act of being sexually attracted to frozen chicken.

Scientific Explanation of Astrology

Astrology rests on the principle of cosmic rays-induced DNA mutation.

The planetary gravitational field, along with the magnetic field, are combining their effect to reflect cosmic and gamma rays in a specific angle depending on the orbital path at the time of birth.

For example, if Jupiter is Virgo, that particular planetary/constellation alignment deflects and amplifies the amount of radiation received by humans chromosome during their most vulnerable stage — birth. Human beings being born between August 23 and September 22 are subject to the influence of a specific amount of radiation on their DNA.

The particular amount of cosmic and gamma rays exercises more control over adjacent proteins and rizomes in the peptide chain of the person’s DNA. The threshold of influence can be divided in 12 equal sectors of peptide modifification.

This gets translated by a person being more analytical, meticulous, intelligent, responsible, reliable and perfectionistic, even more, refined, polite and hygienic.

The same principle can be applied to every astrological sign, based on precise angular calculation and quantification of cosmic and gamma rays.

Today’s beautiful words

Based on a desire to know what the marshmellow feels like while roasting in the campfire, immolation is the act of transforming onself into an inspiring lighthouse, using only gasoline and matches.

A sudden need for fresh air is encouraging you to jump out the window and try to fly like a bird. Free at last! (from the French word “fenêtre” — literally, “Out of the window”.

The gentle act of slowly drilling a hole in your head to release the pressure. This should stop those voices from barking orders in your head.

How would they have used the technology?

  1. If Mozart had access to music sequencer, sampler and a good laptop, how different would have been his music?
  2. If Genghis Khan had access to tanks, planes and machine guns, would we speak Mongolian in North American in 2008?
  3. If Mithra (pre-christian persian god) had access to a good marketing team with TV and radio ads, would we celebrate a different holiday on December 25 of each year?
  4. If the Internet had been around in the 1500s, would it have helped fight censorship and ignorance in the population of the “dark age”?
  5. If the industrial revolution would have happened 1000 years earlier, would we live on a cleaner or on a totally devastated planet?

Suggestions for upcoming movie Jackass 3

  1. One of the guys gets handcuffed and naked. He then gets tattoed by 7 epileptic blind midgets.
  2. 3 of the guys wearing bunny suits enter the carcass of a beached whale after loading it with TNT. The rest of the gang detonates it and laugh hysterically.
  3. The whole gangs disguised themselves with fake robes, beards and explosive belts. They enter the Pentagone while screaming “Don’t shoot, we are just actors”, in arabic.
  4. The whole gang goes to play poison dart blowguns in a small room after their brains had been surgically replaced by monkey brains. Nobody notice a difference.

Anachronism is not a snake!

For a limited time only, those genuine pseudo-replica of ancient meta-artefacts are available for bidding.

  1. Skull of Napoleon as a teenager
  2. Partially eaten Oatmeal that belonged to Gengis Khan
  3. Julius Ceasar Pocket Watch
  4. Ghandi’s Left Sock (comes in Small, Medium and Large)
  5. Autographed Photograph of Alexander The Great

BID NOW and receive an Authentic Pterodactyl-Skin Designer Handbag.

Quotes so wise it’ll make your nose bleed.

“Reality is crossing an energy river by stepping on quantum rocks”

“Wisdom comes from knowing the limits of your own reality”

“Consciousness is to evolution what wisdom is to purpose”

“Logos without pathos is ethos-coated eros”

Quotes by

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    Helping the past from present knowledge

    If you were transported back in time to, lets say, 1000CE or even 1500CE, how much of the 2008 knowledge could you explain? How many machines could you rebuild? How useful could you be as a person from the future? How much of your world could you explain to them? How different do you think you would be from them in your knowledge and belief system?

    Could you explain to them:

    1. Our monetary/banking system?
    2. Our social structure and who is really in charge in 2008?
    3. Our understanding of the solar system and the universe?
    4. The major advancements or science in the past 100 years?
    5. Basic knowledge on the human body?
    6. How the modern car, train and planes work?
    7. How our phone, TV, Microwave over, cell phone work?
    8. What a computer is and does in term they would understand?

    Could you build:

    1. A rudimentary transportation device with a steam engine?
    2. A telegraph to help them communicate?
    3. A telescope, miscroscope or sextant?
    4. A crane to help them build?

    Unlock the Possibilities!

    That could be you!

    It is common knowledge that we only use 10% of our brain. What would you do if you had access to the full 100%? Would you write 3 symphonies before breakfast? Solve the climate change problem before lunch? Eraditate poverty and decease before the end of the day?

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    You’ll thank NeuroPathAccess on your next Scrabble game! You will win every argument with your coworkers and become the envy of Mensa door-to-door salespeople!

    Caution: Not recommended for  for evil characters, passive aggressive types, anger or sarcasm-prone persons as well as most carbon-based individuals living less than 1,000  km from other lifeforms.

    How to REALLY Impress People

    1. Modify your DNA to become bioluminescent.
    2. Implant subcutaneous receptors to change your skin colour at will. Lime green and sky blue hues will impress the most.
    3. Carry a small speaker behind your head to repeat a whispered and slightly delayed version of your speech.
    4. Travel with trained doves and every few minutes, start a sentence by: “According to the prophecy…”
    5. Float 2 inches from the ground by wearing magnetic levitation shoes.
    6. Travel with a genetically modified black dog to look like Cerberus, the 2-Headed-Dog-From-Hell and a mini-smoke machine.
    7. Build an Aztec sacrificial altar in your office.
    8. Ride a Grizzly bear to work.
    9. Travel slow-motion with an entourage of leather-clad shaved-head sunglasse-wearing pale-faced giants.

    Unleash your Inner Zombie!

    Join our cult and roam the city at night. Not a people person? Don’t worry! Simple groans and window smashing are fine by us. You’ll appreciate our dressed-down attitude and open moral . Our motto is: If it moves, you can eat it!
    The best thing: we are protected under the Freedom of Religion! It means you can tell people that you are a flesh-eating night scavenger and they have to respect your beliefs!

    Knowledge Chasm

    There is a widening knowledge chasm and we see a prevalence of simpler belief systems.

    Before the advent of modern science, you could define the known reality in simple terms. You saw the Sun, the Moon, and rain — you felt the wind. Explanations for natural phenomenon were scarse.

    As science evolves and complexifies itself, the general populace is less and less in touch with that “refined reality”. Ask people in the streets what is trigonometry and most people will tell you” it’s something you learn in school and it was boring”, without being able to elaborate much.

    Now ask them what is a 6D Manifold, a virtual black holes, quantum computers, super string theory, or the benefits of nanotechnology. My guess is that you’ll get a lot or perplexed looks and no answers.

    It seems some countries, such as the USA, have a significant part of their population dropping out of the complexification and reverting to simpler explanations. Instead of keeping with the ever developing branches of sciences, we hear the “God made it” explanation very often. Sometimes, it is disguised as pseudo-science as in the Creation Science and its spinoff, Intelligent Design.

    What will happen in 50 years, when our understanding of the natural worl in 1000 more complex and layered as now? Will 80% of the population still practice superstitious rituals and not have a clue how things around them work? I think so.

    What reality do you live in?

    Here are a few questions to help define what reality you live in. This is useful before starting a debate on human evolution, cosmology, history, religion, science, etc.

    1. Do you believe the answers to everything are contained in a single book, written at least 2000 years ago?
    2. Do you believe the Earth was formed less than 6000 years ago?
    3. Do you believe in the laws of physics (gravity, electromagnetism, etc)?
    4. Do you believe certain entities defy laws of physics?
    5. Do you accept strange things and concepts because someone told you so, without seeking explanation or second opinions?
    6. Do you believe in angels, giants, gosts, unicorns, leprecauns, hobbits, gnomes, etc
    7. Do you consider science and scientists test their hypothesis and arrive at conclusion based on evidence, as impartially as possible?
    8. Do you consider science and scientists are anti-God, liars, or evil?
    9. Are you convinced you’ll spend 12 trillions years at least in paradise because you fulfilled 1 of the 8 conditions cited in the Bible (accepting Jesus as your savior)?
    10. Do you believe everybody that doesn’t believe in the same god as you do, or use a different version of the book, or believe in a slightly different version of your religion will burn on hell forever?

    If you answer yes to those questions, then any rational discussion with someone outside your group is very difficult.

    How to Handle Telemarketers

    1. I’m the hostage taker. Can John call you back as soon as I untie him?
    2. Mr. Smith is not here but I’m naked and full of peanut butter. What are you wearing?
    3. Mrs Monroe is not there, but may I interest you in Scientology?
    4. I’m not doing so well… I just lost my job, my wife left with my
      6 kids, I was told last week I have AIDS and my dog died this morning.
      Can I help you with something?
    5. What’s your home address? I’ll visit you tonight to get more information.

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    What proof?

    How do you prove that God exist?

    How do you prove aliens are real?

    Even is you discover a proof of those things, what would constitute an irrefutable proof? If you take a photo or a video of a real UFO, people will say it’s a trick.

    Your job, competences or background might also hinder your proof. If you are a professional photographer or graphic designer and you present a photo as proof of a miracle from God, or an Alien invasion, people will discredit it.

    If you have a criminal background or have been caught lying, people will assume the proof is not real.

    With the raise of technology power and ease, proofs will be harder to come by.

    The Art of Misinterpreting

    The children story of Jack and the Beanstock is really about humanity’s longing for a connection with God.

    Jack represents the humans on earth, spiritually empoverished by the distance they created between themshelves and God.

    One day, they get a magic bean — the seed they can grow to create a spiritual bridge to reach God.

    They plant the seed in their heart and watch it grow beyond the clouds. They climb the beanstock and reach a castle in the Clouds (God’s Kingdom). Instead of being joyful to be in the presence of the divine, they steal from God.

    Because of their arrogance and disbelief, the connection with God is lost again (they cut the beanstock).

    Next time, we’ll explore the deep metaphysical root of the Little red Riding Hood, dating back to Ancient Egypt and the Mystery Religions.

    The Mood-o-Meter

    As seen on TV!

    Don’t know how your new date feels?
    Want to make sure your buddy is in a good mood before asking for money?

    With this simple, portable, reusable Mood-o-Meter, you’ll know their mood right away!

    Based on 35 years of space research, this patented washable electromagnetic piece of cutting-edge technology monitors instantly 27 bodily parameters and give you a clear answer: friendly, horny, angry, sad or gullable.

    Simply insert the 24inch rectal probe and you’ll know
    in an instant the mood of the person almost by magic!!!

    Order now and you’ll receive our athletic cup and face mask!

    The good old future…

    I want the old future!!! Not the current future!

    I do want my jetpack, dome city, robot maid, flying car, underwater city, silver jumpsuit, ray gun, moon shuttle, sleep pod, meal in a pill and all.

    I don’t want the future lead by pharmaceutical and other large corporations, sponsored and manipulated politicians, energy-saving freaks not knowing that fossil fuel companies control a large portion of politics, omnipresent and privacy-intrusive marketing monsters…

    Not to be negative or anything, but in 1000 years, you’ll still have people in caves carrying old russian rocket launchers on their mules, believing in an archaic code of conduct based on a mythlogical god.

    Ahhhh! The future! Which one do you like?

    Today’s To Do List, Part 1

    1. Change the basic assumptions of the universe.
    2. Triangulate my cereal bowl using its own shadow.
    3. Transmutate Silly Putty into lemon Jell-O.
    4. Create, test and prove a whimsical version of the String Theory called the SillyString Theory.
    5. Lunaform the Earth and Terraform the Moon. Move everybody to the new moon in their sleep and check if anyone notice the switch.
    6. Find a cure to OverSeriousness by splicing Jeans into Daisy Dukes.
    7. Write a Unified Theory Equation that would prove the existence of Nessie.
    8. Convert myself to silicate-based lifeform.
    9. Change the value if Pi from 2.1416 to to 2.1532. Observe the difference and giggle.
    10. Change the structure of the Milky Way to have Earth at the center.

    You think you’re bad?

    Synaptic Interfaced (Though-controlled) toys and interface are already being developed in lab in 2007. With more interest, research and funding, you’ll see thought visual association in a few years, resulting in a graphic representation of your thoughts.

    At first, it will be coarse — the castle you think about will be represented by a generic castle image.

    Later, the image will represent your thoughts in a more detailed way, including shapes, colours, motion, camera angles and transitions.

    The “MindReaders” we had in the past were heavy headsets, with primitive electrodes that required gel to interface. Today, NeuroSky Inc. developed a dry electrode much smaller headset. In the future, no headset will be required as remote readers will be developed.

    Applications for MindReading will emerge. Military and marketing will be the most funded, although medical applications with Autism, Coma, and paraplegic patients will also exist.

    Military applications will be able to sense the intentions of the enemy. Even without a working long distance remote MindReader network, the first versions will use local readers based in small drones (flyers, crawlers, swimmers, etc) capable of accessing exact location where a suspect is. Coupled with the merged NSA, FBI and CIA databases, these MindReading applications will put the thoughts in context of the information known.

    One application that will exist but be frown upon is the MindTapping (listening, flagging and cross-referencing of thoughts) of civilians by government agencies in the name of homeland security. Random thought sweeps will be executed and will serve as basis for further investigations.

    Marketing applications will also be very popular. Stores will use MindReaders to rearrange their catalogue based on the clients moods, preference and shopping.

    1. Prices will be adjusted by dishonest merchants based on the urgency of your need (you tried 7 stores for that wedding dress and the store you are in is the last one you can visit before the wedding).
    2. Smart fabric and Mindreaders will present you only the colours, styles and prints you like.
    3. MindReaders and your car navigation system will point you washrooms and restaurants based on your needs.
    4. Thoughts transcripts, images and movies will be archives Google-Thoughts will be the first major company to harvest that new information source.

    Legal issues about privacy will arise but the potential for military and marketing will outweigh them with powerful lobbying efforts.

    The future is thoughtfully friendly!

    How to Create you Own Religion

    1. Find a universal need you can cater to. This will shape your approach; This will be used in your branding/marketing efforts.
    2. Name your religion. Find a cool name that sounds ancient, like the Adorators of Hakballah, The VicciCode or Repenters of Atlantis Faith.
    3. Find a new interpretation on prevalent existing religious texts OR write a new spiritual reference book that, while maintaining continuity with prevalent existing religions, myths and philosophies, departs from them in a significant way. That new book should be a mix of common sense, basic life experiences, anecdotes, unverifiable claims and hard to pronounce names.
    4. Rename yourself. No one will follow Bob Smith, the Archdeacon of Hakballah.
    5. As early as possible, find celebrity sponsorship. Don’t worry, it’s not as hard as it sounds. Just buy a newspaper and call celebrities who already sponsor Psychic Hotlines. Offer them $50.
    6. Create rituals, dress codes, and greeting gestures.
    7. Start your PR early. Attribute miracles to your deity, preferable out-of-phase naturally occuring, statistically insignificant but emotionally charged events.
    8. Make claims. It doesn’t matter if they are unproven, false, out of context or irrelevant. See Rael.
    9. Speak properly. Practice political talk, mixed with emotionally but non-committal words and spiritual concepts (a spiritual OfficeSpeak): “The transcendence of the non-litteral Word of the Great Luminant is the quintessence of the SubMan archetype“.
    10. Be invited to Oprah. We cannot stress this one enough.
    11. Create your own media outlet.
    12. Make sure your new beliefs are similar enough to others. That way, you’ll gain free press in their media outlets.
    13. Create a sound financial model. Make sure all level of worship, social involvement, public appearances, etc bring you money.
    14. Enjoy! You now have power over your fellow men & women (whatever your preference is), public opinion, and media. Life is good.

    How to Impress People

    1. Drive a 26-foot Santa Clause float.
    2. Print business cards with “Ambassador to Arkhaministan”. When asked where that country is, say: “Right between Murkhistan and United Republic of Tuaniman”.
    3. When asked what you do, reply: I’m a astrocosmometaphysicist, part-time brain surgeon as well as a shameless terraforming hobbyist. What do YOU do?”
    4. Wear a large bald eagle feather hat, mandragore root perfume, white tiger shirt, panda fur pants, baby seal socks and galapagos turtle shell shoes.
    5. Talk about real estate trends on Phobos.
    6. Tell that really funny anecdote about your experience on genetic mutations of monkey-men.
    7. Brag about reading

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    12 Truths You Can Count On

    1. Everybody is created equal.
    2. TV shows are not mere lures for advertisers.
    3. You can have an amazing lean sculpted body by using a machine 3 minutes/day for a week.
    4. Politics is never about secretive schemes for a few to gain money or power.
    5. If it’s printed; it must be true.
    6. All events reported on mass media happened as they are telling you.
    7. The camera doesn’t lie.
    8. Anybody can gain a good grasp of complex issues by watching the TV news.
    9. Conflicts are always about non-trivual issues and always the last resort.
    10. People who march in the street always fully understand what the issue is.
    11. We are not pawns of religion, the government or large corporations.
    12. You have a good grasp on reality. Really.

    The art of “Bulkering”

    “Bulkering” is a neologism that can be defined as “Putting together several complex ideas, oversimplifying and omitting large portion of the argument, discrediting sources for frivolous reasons, then thinking you have a good grasp on the subject”. “Bulkering” is different from aggregation, clustering, simplification, generalisation or good old “one-track mind”.

    Here is how it’s played:

    1. Take a complex topic, such as geopolitics, global climate change, space exploration, or the origins of life.
    2. Absord the least amount of factual data or in-depth knowledge on the topic as possible.
    3. If you can’t avoid information, listen to arguments without weighting them or factoring in the lack of knowledge, the motives, the affiliations or the relevance of the examples presented by the source.
    4. Swiftly discredit a source if he/she presents a different point of view, if they have a typo in their book or online post, or if they ever did anything in their past that could cast any doubt in your mind, even if the action was 50 years ago and absolutely non-relevant to the topic, or if they look strange to you. If you find such a flaw, disregard them quickly by using the name of the newly discovered flaw. Example1: He might have a PDH in the relevant field and worked in that field for 50 years, but he’s gay. Example2: Don’t try to impress me with your numbers and big words, because you’re just a drugee (after uncovering that the source smoke pot 30 years ago).
    5. Discredit an argument or a theory if any part of it is found to be unproven or false.
    6. If anyone argue with you on the topic, be sure to impervious to resonning and snap back with a proverb or a clever line starting by: “my mama always told me…”
    7. Sit comfortably and relax. You have a good grip on reality.

    Stop Talking Nonsense!

    Welcome to ClearThought®, the latest product from DeliciouslyQuirky.

    This speech filter combines a logic analizing algorithm, Internet -enhanced knowledge database and a voice rendering module.

    When you try to voice your poorly-though, shallow biaised opinionos and pass it for common facts, ClearThought®, filters it, enhance your arguments with provable hard facts and delivers it in your actual voice. You can now eloquent and be credible!

    Order now and receive the Dejargoniser®! That earpiece descrambles the most obsure techobabble and officespeak. It evens works on level 4 marketing cryptic buzzword charades! All you hear is clear, well structured language that makes sense!

    Fun in Non-Leathal Weapons Land

    We usually associate the word weapon with death or great pain. The goal of of most weapons is not necessarely to permanently destroy the ennemy but to place him under custody for capture trial or interrogation, or for him to stop attacking us. To achieve those goals, one would be better using one of the following non-lethal weapon:

    1. High-Velocity Marshmellow Gun: Also available in Pumpkin Puree.
    2. Blue Cheese Grenade: Coats the ennemy with blue cheese paste.
      Also come in Mustard, Concentrated Garlic and Rancid Milk.
    3. The Sleeper: A loudspeaker whispers Advanced Calculus Thermodynamic Equations with a deep monotonous voice. Also comes in Macroeconomics and “Dissertation on the Abstract Non-Colonialism Aspects of Postmodern Philosophical Existentialism, from the Pseudo non-Involment point of view”.

    Out on a Limb

    We could make our bodies better by unblocking the regenerative capabilities (see salamander) in our cells to be able to grow back limbs.

    If you have the ability to grow limbs by unlocking functions in the cells… maybe you can send signals to alter the blue print and grow limbs/organs according to new specs, such as changing efficiency , dimensions, appearance, etc. AND at that point, you’ll have companies that will sell cell coding templates to match your favorite celebrity!

    InfoLife Part2

    Information Architecture and Visualization is getting more and more important since we are exposed to so much data every day.

    InfoLife (Internet 3.0) should be a system that can capture, archive, retrieve, sort and display multiformat data in a way that works in real life. That system should be mobile, real-time, simple to use and be able to use human common sense.

    You hear a good song on the radio. You want to remember the song’s name but also know what else the band did and if the band is touring in your city soon.

    You are shopping and see a jacket you like in a store. You want to know if another store within a 5km radius that is opened right now has the same item cheaper.

    You are meeting someone at a networking event. The face-recognition system starts and display info on that person, along with websearch on what he wrote, companies he worked with, last time you met him, etc.

    Those applications are beyond database queries, RSS aggregates or fuzzy logic basic software applications. They provide you with real-time options based on multiple factors weighted by context. They only display relevant information based on your situation, tone, heart rate, time of day, etc.

    The WitnessCube

    This motion-activated device records multispectral (visible, infrared, ultraviolet & microwave wavelenghts) images on its 6 faces, along with ambiant sounds, smells, temperature, and any other variables needed. It will be used in a wide wariety of applications such as:

    security: Can record and flag visible and invisible events, daytime, nighttime or any poor visibility in airport, stadiums, warehouses, etc.
    scientific: Thousands of WitnessCubes could be placed outside to monitor climate change, iceshelves movements and Rain Forest status
    entertainment: The ultimate webcam. Can recreate the visual, audio and olfactive of a remote environment.


    Are you feeling confident or have self esteem? iSuck can help you.

    Using state-of-the art Artificial Intelligence and Self-Learning Algorithms, iSuck can instill doubt in even the most cocky and over-confident individual.

    Start iSuck by selecting a list of your best attributes and the reasons people love you. Within minutes, iSuck will shatter your dreams and destroy that self esteem that hold you back. You too will be able to enjoy a life of self-loathing. After a week, you’ll serve the Crack master like millions of our satisfied customers.

    Order NOW and you’ll also receive our subliminal CDs such as: “Phony Sincerity People Use”, “All you can Expect form Life is Cold LeftOvers”, and our customers favorite: “101 Ways Others are Better than You”.

    BMB logo

    Smart Roads

    Smart Roads would help drivers in several ways.

    1) Heated Pavement would melt the snow and ice, thus reducing the risks and saving millions of dollars each year in snow removal and salting.
    2) Phosporescent Pavement would help see the road at night and in fog.
    3) Embedded sensors would detect congestion as well as stopped vehicules. A vehicule that is stopped for some time would tragger a response from cameras and emergency crews.

    Better Monster Bureau

    Have a Vampire neighbour that doesn’t respond to garlic? Bigfoot keeps you up all night sining Opera? Maybe you purchased a Troll two years ago and it’s not toilet trained yet?

    We are here to help you with all your Monster problems. If you find a monster that does not behave according to the CryptoZooLaw GuideBook, you can file a formal complaint. Our team of experienced CryptoZooLawyers will advise you of your rights, help you build a case, and help prosecute if necessary. We can also alert you to complaints against Monsters in your area.

    Subscribe to our newsletter for tips on how to live peacefully with our Monstruous neighbours.

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    Corporate PowerSuit

    For the CEO who wants more power by instilling fear in the heart of the lowly employee, here is the DeliciouslyQuirky Corporate PowerSuit. Now you will be produce the proper effect when entering the boardroom. Comes complete with business utility belt, handheld JargonThrower and instructional DVD (Rubber cape optional). Choose between our popular models: Evil Futuristic Dictator, Dark Knight, WorkoholicMan or Master Cyborg. Order NOW and you’ll receive the NEW DeathRay Gun Lite at no extra cost.

    deliciouslyQiurky PowerSuit

    Feed from the Top

    After a full range of nutritional shampoo with beer, honey, eggs, oil and herbs, we are introducing the next level of nutritional products.

    TopFood is a container-hat that allows liquid food to slowly seep into your scalp, nourishing you with constant nutrients. You can continue to work or play while food slowly gets into your body. What a time saver! You’ll bypass hundred of hours a year in meal time!

    Comes complete with instructional DVD, recipe book, extra seal and chin strap.

    Next time you see a bowl of soup or a beverage, you’ll think: “Can’t wait to get that on my head!
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    DeliciouslyQuirky Corporate Retreats

    Jason and the Jargonauts®
    Experience the zen benefits of corporate talk in this intensive week-end program. By numbing your mind and refraining from individual thoughts, you’ll become a more productive member of the corporate hive.

    Flight of Icarus Retreat
    In this week-end corporate retreat based on the cliffs of Oslo, you’ll learn the valuable team-building exercise of making your own set of wings. Using the great metaphor of “reaching for the sky” and “spreading your wings”, you’ll plunge 200 feet into ice cold water, supported by your corporately branded cardboard wings. Video of flights extra.

    Cranky Doll

    Hey Kids! Tired of the same old doll than walks, wave and giggle?

    Cranky Doll will ignore you for weeks, then will not want to play with you and might even swear at you!

    Order it NOW and you will receive Daredevil Jack, the doll that will dare you to do dangerous stuff!

    Interactive Marketing Ideas

    1) Embed in cellphones, PDAs, BlackBerries, MP3 players, and other wearables to emit a frequency that will activate a specific region of the brain that will stimulate the appetite for a brown, bubbly, sugar-loaded acidic cold beverage, or to drive in a manly army-like uncomfortable but aggressive looking vehicle.

    2) Develop free clothing items like coats, pants, tshirt, capes and hats that have the ability to connect to a main ad server and display moving ads right on it. (same principle as the ad-sponsored software we have now). All homeless people be wearing warm clothes but will be transformed into walking billboards. Kids will love that fashion too. You can have a scene of a new movie or an cool ad displayed on you clothes…

    3) Engineered food that taps into the memory cells to stimulate purchases of products based on your own past (cinnamon buns of your grandmother, grey paste from the highschool cafeteria, etc.)

    4) Develop cross promotion packages: the guy on the Crest toothpaste is wearing a visible Timex watch while brushing. He’s also smelling like CK1 perfume on the package. mmm see… alot to possibilities if you want to control people even more… Imagine designing, testing and marketing those products!

    5) Dynamic E-Ink packages that are linked to a CrossLinked Marketing Database that call your name when you walk by, suggest a use based on your lifestyle, reminds you of the mess that happened when your used a competitor’s brand…

    The future WILL be friendly! 😉

    The Ultimate Minimalist House

    The Ultimate Minimalist House is a 3m x3m x3m white cube with no furniture. Furniture is bad for your Feng Shui. The 5cm x 5cm window can be colourized according to your aura and really make it YOUR space.

    This Custom Premium Designer House is ideal for the young professional that eats out, sleep out and entertain out.

    Create your own country!

    I’m wondering how difficult or possible it is to create your own fully legal and recognized country.

    Someone did it in 1967. It’s called Sealand and it’s 10km off the coast of England on a small concrete platform built during the WWII ( for details).

    Your own contry means you have diplomatic immunity, make your own civil, criminal and tax laws. Recent reports claim a new company called Havenco plans to introduce a ” data haven” in Sealand (

    How would you call your country? What would the laws be? What would be the incentives for companies and individuals to immigrate to your contry (assuming you have place for them). Would you make it a cash cow by allowing all sorts of criminal activities, an utopian land with peace and harmony or a place just for you?